Needed more than Codependency lingo

[Fond]

Hi,

I am Fond.  Codependency books and 12-step programs help a lot.  But they ring hollow a lot.  Like if you have had a difficult parent/scapegoating experience.

I was reared by 2 stepfathers with 5 siblings and abandoned by my social butterfly mother frequently.  I do believe that she seems to have some dissociative issues & a child of extreme neglect herself.  My paternity was discussed and hidden by my family.  Until I was able to establish it with DNA testing recently.  I have been for most of my life mocked and bullied and physically abused isolated shamed and excluded.  I love them nevertheless.  They regret it and have elevated in the past 20 years.   I am glad I found this place. 
At  52 my self-care and identity have been failing lately.  I am self-employed and have to understand and market my skills and talents and gifts while caring for myself.   I discovered that self-care deficit has a root cause of codependency.  When I work my  12 steps I still feel a sore, a hurt that I need to clean up and move on.   Understanding "scapegoat" injury helps me get at that hurt and name it.    Thank you all for being here.

I recently found out (I figured it out over 8 years) that my DNA father was a notable person in history.  So I can't really talk about a lot with too many people.   But I need to talk about complex trauma, scapegoating, DID in order to heal--I was recently diagnosed with Stage 3B colorectal cancer.  As a result, Im learning to give up perfectionism, and over-analysis to begin with. I also want to shore up my identity by doing things that I like to do. I am going to start by playing piano again, planting and singing.

I take responsibility to develop positive self-control.  I am making great progress at learning to love and nurture myself and others with dignity and respect.
Hopefully, I can practice good internal boundaries here by sharing a little more and listening a lot more while avoiding posts that may be triggering or too much.

Please take good care of yourselves today,
Fond

[SonofThunder]

A warm welcome here also, and additional hopes and prayers for your healing.  See you around the forum boards, Fond 😊

SoT

[Fond]

SoT,

Thank you so much for your prompt welcome.  I really love 2Tim as you quote it.  Spiritually, I  prefer the Scriptures in light of Isaiah 48:17,18 and 2 Tim 3:16.  I have found that there is no teaching except what is Divine. In the last 24 hours, I had a release/breakthrough; a calm heart.  Finally. My husband noticed it too.  Trauma can really hijack our physiology;  The Scriptures I find can and do bypass trauma eventually.

[Fond]

Thanks!

I    will follow up.  I am really sleepy now; I will reply tomorrow. Thank you for reaching out to me.  It made the difference for  me!

[bloomie]

Fond - adding another warm welcome and prayers for a healing of this cancer.

I first found the beginning of my own healing journey in the co dependency recovery community. I learned a lot and was challenged there. I am another grateful soul for that work and that time. Like you, I found it could only bring me so far because so many of the behaviors and traits of codependency were not a true fit. Still, the principles and working through the steps brought greater self awareness, support, and enlightenment.

What eventually made sense for me, as I process the labyrinth that is my family of origin (FOO,) is understanding the complex dynamic of growing up in a narcissistic family system. As I moved into understanding that dynamic, the roles and rules of such systems and unpacking all of the things I had never questioned and exposing those things to the light of day in a community like this one, I rapidly gained ground and continue to grow stronger. A three steps forward and two back process at time, but compassionate progress is the goal for me.

I trust your time here will be valuable, supportive, and enlightening. The resources - books, vids, toolbox at the dropdown menus above are a wealth of vetted insights and help. The conversations on the boards are a unique and powerful place to connect with others who truly do get it. So, as you are able, keep coming back and sharing. It helps to ease a heavy load.

I look forward to supporting you! 

[Spring Butterfly]

Welcome to our little corner of the Internet beyond codependency lingo among those who have lived it. Wishing you peace and healing.