Time to focus on me

[Stillnothealed]

Hi,

So I've been separated from my narc exes for a while now, been in no contact for years, trying to live my life and move forward but I apparently have more healing to do.

I've been having a lot of emotional turmoil recently. Missing my last nex and remembering the good times although I know they were manufactured and that the person he made for me was not real. I find myself craving that person and that connection. It is agonizing.

So instead of ruminating on a person who never was or trying to fixate on fixing it with a new person, I'm here. I'm spending time on me and healing me. Typing this, I would consider a form of deep healing. Connecting with survivors who understand the pain and understand what being in these relationships does to you psychologically.

I hope I can keep healing. I hope I am able to provide some levity along the way to people that need it too.

Thanks for reading.

[NarcKiddo]

I only recently realised how truly despicable the man who groomed me when I was a young teen actually was. And he is not the reason I am here - that is my PD parents.  He was just a symptom of my problems.

But after I realised, I found myself grieving the imaginary guy I thought he was, who I thought loved me, and who I most certainly loved. It's very confusing, but I just let myself grieve. The guy I imagined was real to me at the time, even though I now know he didn't actually exist as I thought he did.

Good for you for doing the work healing you.

[Stillnothealed]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

It seems common for a narc victim to have at least one narc parent / guardian too.

Pretty sure my dad normalized emotionally distant and controlling behavior with me.... So guess what kind of men I'm attracted to now?

It's an uphill battle and it's exhausting. I feel so much shame missing a liar and someone that was so mean to me by the end.

It feels nice having people to relate to though so thank you for sharing.