Judgmental vibes?

[chowder]

Hi, all - I currently am self-employed, still working and loving it, and can pick and choose a couple of days a week.  It is very fulfilling.  So with the ability to write my own ticket and work from home, retirement is not on the horizon.   With our circle of friends, however, most are retired, and I consider myself more independent than most. 

Recently my husband was out with his buddies, and had a medical emergency.  They could not reach me because I was in a meeting, so they brought him to the hospital, for which I am forever grateful.  Of course I ran as soon as I found out, about an hour later.  It was quite stressful, and now thankfully everything is okay.

We had dinner with one of these buddies and his wife afterwards, and I felt very uncomfortable with the vibe.   (We actually bought them dinner as a thank you.)  There were a few minutes of conversation between the two husbands, and when the wife spoke up, her first words to me were, "So, are you working?"  I replied "Of course not."   I thought to myself, what an odd question, of course I'm clearing the decks until we see our way through this.  She could have asked any number of things, like how are the doctor follow-ups going, do you need anything, or something along those lines.  Now reflecting on the past, there were always a lot of questions about my work schedule. 

I could be reading into this, and perhaps the whole thing is still emotional - but I feel judgmental vibes from them about not being there when the incident happened, and not being available because of my work.   I'm already preparing to be more guarded with my answers in the future.

Has anyone else ever experienced this?  Thoughts?  Thank you!

[Blueberry Pancakes]

With interactions like that, I always defer to my first gut instinct. Sometimes I do not like it, and I try to logically think through other options that feel better to me. I want to think the best of people. I want to give them a chance, and that is especially true of people my husband has friendships with.

Sometimes those little benign and intangible things can be tricky. It seems you recognized something, and maybe your internal warning system set off a flag. That is alright. You do not have to do anything with it right now, but maybe just tuck it away. As you mention, next time you see them. your approach will be more guarded. That sounds like a healthy thing to do. The more we know, we can adjust and then continue to re-assess.
 
You did not do anything wrong here. If it were me, I would have just been happy to have gotten my friend the medical attention as needed. Good health to you both and I hope all continues to be well.

[Srcyu]

Well it was nosey if nothing else.
Definitely judgemental with a dash of blame possibly. Since she was presumably involved with the aftermath of getting your husband to hospital she now feels in a position to be able to poke her nose in.

There could be disapproval in the mix also because, 'look what happened!' Now any resentment she may have felt is justified in her mind.

[notrightinthehead]

It could be many things. It could be judgmental, it could be envy that you are doing something she would like she did too, it could be pure interest. You had all the connotations and understood it as critical of you. This might only resonate if some part of you also feels that you "should " .... maybe have been there, maybe not work, whatever. Rationally you know that there might always be a situation when you will not be there, even if you sacrifice everything that gives you pleasure, but emotionally is another story.
So, whether this friend was critical of you or not, the real work sits with you and your inner critic. There is no need to feel guilty. You cannot be there for your loved ones all the time. You cannot prevent them from suffering harm. You can only do your best and live your best life. And when bad things happen you do the best you can from the fullness of your heart. And your heart is full because you live your life in a way that is good for you.

[chowder]

Thank you so much, Blueberry, Windmill and notright....your words are very encouraging and wise, indeed.  My gut says to be careful, even with the presence of other possibilities.  Can't go wrong with that.  And yes, silencing the inner critic is always a work in progress!