Don’t really know how I feel or what I feel

[Liketheducks]

My unpd ex-addict dad has had a second massive stroke.  And, I don't have any feelings about it.   I know he, like all of us, will pass on eventually.   As this gets likely closer for him....:I just feel numbs.  I fantasized for years that I might feel some relief or a greater sense of safety....but I have nothing right now

[Andeza]

This is big news, and it's fine to be in shock and it's fine to feel nothing.

[Srcyu]

That's what I've been left with in the emotions/feelings department - nothing. At first I actually used to stop myself and say, 'what do I feel?' Nothing.

I take it as a reaction to years, years and years of 'nothing' from them.

You may continue to be numb, it's not a bad place to be.

[notrightinthehead]

I agree. It's perfectly fine to feel nothing. The bewilderment stems from the expectation that one should be close to parents. We had to work hard not to be.  So nothing is the best you can feel.

[NarcKiddo]

Maybe numb is self-protection at this stage. Yes, he will have to go eventually. But in my experience PDs are so unreliable that it has been dangerous for me to allow any feeling on the basis of what might happen or even what has been directly promised by a PD. Until I am on objectively solid ground I rely on nothing to be as it seems.

Maybe when it has actually happened you will feel relief or safer. Maybe that will take time. In the meantime you feel what you feel and that is neither good nor bad. It just is.

Hugs. Be kind to yourself.