Showy displays of material aspects, seems sort of like smoke and mirrors

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I have been NC with my GC sister for nearly four years, and VLC with parents for the same amount of time so I do not have all the details of what is going on in their lives. That is fine with me, but having any contact with my parents gives me glimpses into what is going on in GC's world.  I cannot help but feel like so much of the dysfunction I observed is continuing to run on and on, and perhaps even in overdrive. 

Having nice things in life is great, and we all deserve to enjoy our lives on our terms. Yes, great. However, I just always felt like my GC sister centered her life on material aspects. I always wondered if she put these things in her life as distractions, so others would not look too closely, or was she filling a void elsewhere. She would belittle people who did not have what she had, including our parents and she would disparage their conservative spending. If she wanted admission to a new restaurant in town and it was booked, her husband would give the manager some money and they would allow her in. She would then comment about how all the other people waiting in line were just a bunch of "rule followers". That was a term her kids would also repeat. It seemed she was announcing she was above the rules.

She would tell me all the designers of her clothes, and where she went to purchase her items. She always had the biggest vehicles, biggest house on the street, most expensive club membership in town, and was always going to events in town with first class seating up front and center. Her husband is angry and controlling and would not allow her to have a job and he controls household finances. She seems to go happily along. Her kids are now young adults, and she paid for the engagement ring her son gave to his fiancé and has put downpayments on houses in town for kid's first homes. I wondered if she was buying their loyalty.

My sister had a stroke last year. It left her with impaired speech, but I have no idea what else. My parents just commented that her husband bought a house in a warmer state with ocean front property, and they are flying back and forth between homes during winter and paying for their kids to visit. If it were me, I may have slowed down a bit after a stroke and made my health the priority. It seems however, she is doing the opposite. It makes me wonder if the material displays are covering for something she senses is missing. Maybe it is just me, but it sort of feels desperate to me and I cannot explain it.

[Call Me Cordelia]

You may be right, and it does strike me too as a sad life. Makes me think of that old Britney Spears song, "Lucky." (Haha showing my age here.)

But... you did go NC with her. You had your reasons, and they haven't changed. So speculation about your sister's life now isn't doing you any good. Is there any way you can head off these glimpses into sis's world? You really don't need to hear about her spending habits. Who bought the engagement ring or any of it. It's none of anybody's business. Certainly not your parents' place to gossip these things to you.

If you ARE right, and the dysfunction is in overdrive, all the more reason to respect your boundaries around opting out of it.

[moglow]

Well now, in some minds you can't attach apron strings without money being spent, to be reimbursed as demanded later. Let's just all disregard simple stitches that keep life and relationships comfy. 

[Srcyu]

I'm quoting someone else here (can't remember who) that:
'Some people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

Sums up showy off people quite well.

*Oscar Wilde.



 

[Catothecat]

My brother developed this habit after his (late middle age) second marriage to a PD, Pancakes.  He went from being someone who could care less about material objects into someone who can't seem to talk about anything else.  He also went from someone who I had a good enough relationship with to someone who told me I "embarrass" him.  I went LC with him some years ago because I got tired of all the dysfunctional behavior that arose after this marriage and I know he can't understand why.  The thing is--their materialism is definitely smoke and mirrors because the marriage has been a bad one from the start.  Her PD is more under control these days, but probably because he has entered the fog with her and now goes along with her rampant spending and endless need for more and better stuff (which I hear about from my sister who has kept contact with him and also what I see them post on FB).  They seem to want others to envy them (they post endlessly about how their life is "paradise") but I only feel sorry for them.  My SIL cannot bury her PD under a pile of goods, and my brother can't fix her by constantly going along with her.  So goes their life...

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thank you Cordelia, Moglow, Windmill and Cat. 

I like the Oscar Wilde quote "the price of everything, but the value of nothing'. It feels sort of like putting a whole lot of effort into a facade, but behind the curtain is ruins.  Thank you for your insights. 
   

[Jolie40]

my next door neighbor had a stroke while on vacation & was in hospital for 10 days
it affected her body & she had physical therapy once back home
when I spoke with her, she said she was getting better & now I see she's back to walking

so it's possible your sister is doing ok, also

btw, neighbor was truly surprised as she's normal weight & walks constantly

[Blueberry Pancakes]

btw, neighbor was truly surprised as she's normal weight & walks constantly

Thank you, Jolie. I have no medical degree, but I did sort of wonder about the stroke.
I wondered of all the anger she used to vent at me as her SG sibling had nowhere to go after I went NC? I spoke to our parents after it happened, and her husband who is also "difficult" never gave our parents updates on her condition while she was in the hospital. They said she actually told them not to call her or disturb her. They were left in the dark on their daughter's condition.  I sort of thought her husband was deliberately taking away her support system. I feel sad about it all. I also wonder if all that negative energy, anger, and hate affects us physically.