Perfect chance to reconnect

[Srcyu]

There are still times when I recall with a bemused mind how bpd mother managed to waste her chance to reconnect with one of my young adult children.
My child had recently passed a milestone birthday. One morning she got to the mail delivery before me. I was in the bathroom and she excitedly told me from outside the door that grandma had sent her something.  I came out to have a look. It was a boxed decorative key that are sometimes given on these occasions. My child was so pleased with it. My heart still hurts for her when I recall what came next .....

A letter was included.
Here was bpd parent's golden opportunity to close the gap created by no contact. She had my child's complete attention. The chance to reach out and .......     she blew it.
The letter was rambling and referred to her own father-in-law who my child never met. I could barely remember him!

She sang his praises - it was bizarre. There was no mention of bridging the gap, of how much she regretted not seeing my child grow up. No expressed hope of good things ahead.
My poor child binned it all.

This is why I always intercepted the mail.



 

[notrightinthehead]

What a pity!
I have often wondered at the resilience of my kids, they just shook their heads at the letter or gift of grandma and then moved on. I am so thankful for how normal they responded. Kudos to you that your child just binned it.

[Srcyu]

Thanks notright,
It was typical that she only made the effort for one of my children - the favourite.
I could have kicked myself at the time for not finding the mail first. Although, by that age I would have handed it over anyway so really there was nothing I could do to have spared her that. Yet another intrusion.

[moglow]

Windmill, that's just pathetic isn't it. And watching the kids when they get it is just crushing. We want so much better for them !! I've seen similar responses from my nieces and nephews when grandma totally misses the mark. The most noteworthy and ongoing? She texts one niece birthday greeting for quite a few years now on Jan 17 - her birthday is Jan 15. I pointed it out to her/md, but *I'm* wrong. The fact that it's so consistent tells me it's deliberate, not overlooked.

Mother's bd card to me this year? Opened, read, binned and gone. It is what it is.

[Srcyu]

Thanks for that moglow.
Bpd mother came so close to breaking through to my daughter on that occasion and ...... got it totally wrong.

It is was it is.