Not an individual in the FOO

[escapingman]

I watched a short video by Patrick Teahan (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/JhTnjs66W6U) explaining my FOO extremely well. I was always just supposed to be there and fill a role/function, not to be seen as an individual with my own needs. I am still expected to fill that role and now when I stopped going along with it all I am getting minimal contact from FOO. Yes I have gone low contact with them, but I keep conversations until they go back to their script. I recently shared some big news with my dad and indicated me and DD were not doing very well. He never responded, but I was asked about these news by my sister. So instead of replying to me asking me about it and offer any help, he ran gossiping to my sister about it. It wasn't any secrets so no issue with her knowing it, but the fact he still rather talk about me to others instead of to me. He is so deep into the FOG with his uPD spouse and the guilt he has for leaving my mum many years ago (sister didn't speak to him for a long time and now he does anything she tells him to do in fear of losing her validation).

I suppose this was good for me to get it in black and white where his bread is buttered. I had been fighting my own guilt for the low contact with him, but I have no guilt no more. If I can't be seen as a person with my own needs, then I ain't interested in the dysfunctionality of FOO and how to appease them.

[SonofThunder]

EM, this is a eventual self-healthy path of exploration imo.  I have been well aided on the road ahead, by knowing where Ive been.  Keep exploring!

SoT

[escapingman]

SoT, thanks for the encouragement.

I have realised thinking about it, I have different roles I am expected to play and they wary slightly depending on how many FOO I see at the same time. The ultimate person to keep happy is my sister, everybody tip toes around her and when she doesn't get her way the incredible sulk appears. My dad goes to extreme lengths to please her, and to make me fit in to the pleasing of her. When she is not around, my dad is dancing to the tune of his uPD spouse. I am not close enough to them but I think she is in some kind of discard with him, but she has not secured the ultimate goal (yet) which is marriage which will give her the assets. Dad do anything for a crumb of attention from her, obviously at my expense when around. Then if I see my dad on my own, I am supposed to be his mate, drinking buddy and do all of those things his uPD spouse and my strongly suspected uPD sister denies him. It is incredible frustrating to move around those 3 different roles and I can't do it anymore. With my mum (some kind of uPD I am sure of) I am supposed to revert back to being a child and looked after, but when sister is around the same as with my dad, it's all about making sure she is happy.

I am so happy I am starting to find this out so I can protect myself (and DD) from this dynamic. I am sick of having to play a role given to me just to not upset the apple cart.

[treesgrowslowly]

I'm loving Patrick Teahan videos lately!

EM you will break the cycle for your DD and yourself.

I'm NC from my FOO over 12 years now and counting. Patrick Teahan really gets it. I wish he had  been around when I started this process.

Great to hear that you are seeing the ways that are further Out of the FOG for yourself and DD.

Trees