Dad won't let it go - not seeing my daughter thing

[Zebrastriped]

Honestly, the few times my departed mom inquired if my kids would come over, I went for evasive maneuvers. Examples - sports practice, big school project, etc.  Kicking the can down the road isn't the bravest response in the world, but it got the job done.  After a few non committal, non emotional responses, she moved to other topics.  If you give no supply, indicating your feelings on the matter, he might move on to something else. Medium chill is an awesome protection. Perhaps give him enough info about the kids that he can check the box?

Is he wanting to show someone else that he has contact with his grandchildren?

Definately don't risk your marriage over it.

[p123]

I'd point out to him that the last 50 times your brought over his granddaughter he seemed disappointed that she was there.  Tell him she got the hint and will not be visiting. I also agree with the other poster that said now she is of an age where she might be useful to him.  Fetching him this or that. 

My father did the same thing.  Would ask how the kids were then stop listening 5 seconds in.  They know they are supposed to ask but they really don't care. They are just waiting for the moment when we can go back to talking about them.

Yeh thats exactly what he does. Its on his list that he should ask. All hes really interested in making sure he gets what he needs from me.

[p123]

Honestly, the few times my departed mom inquired if my kids would come over, I went for evasive maneuvers. Examples - sports practice, big school project, etc.  Kicking the can down the road isn't the bravest response in the world, but it got the job done.  After a few non committal, non emotional responses, she moved to other topics.  If you give no supply, indicating your feelings on the matter, he might move on to something else. Medium chill is an awesome protection. Perhaps give him enough info about the kids that he can check the box?

Is he wanting to show someone else that he has contact with his grandchildren?

Definately don't risk your marriage over it.

Yeh thats what I've been doing....

Im wondering if thats it. Dad has a "view"on how the world works I think someone has asked him about his grandkids and its twigged (took long anough!) that hes not seen them. In his world view, although they serve no useful purpose to him its "not right" that he doesnt see them.

Mind you this is the guy who told my brother to "let it go" and "don't be involved in all that" because "well you've got to go to work" when social service wanted him to take temporary custody of HIS OWN daughter when the mother had "issues". Yep him and dad agreed on this and told them "put her in a home".

Again part of Dads thinking I'm sure was if brother had an unexpected child to look after then that would affect brothers ability to "serve" him. It sickened me at the time that two cooked this up together. Just shows you how important kids are to my Dad.

(In the end, the little girl went to her grans - but my dear wife wanted to take her rather than see her go into a home - but her own father was going to let it happen).