Our poor contractor...

[11JB68]

We found a really good handyman,  a client of mine.  He's done some projects for us,  does a good job.  Many of the jobs have been for updh benefit. Of course.
We are not doing any major custom remodeling.  Never have.  Can't afford that.  Updh wanted one of the bathroom floors done.  OK. I could care less.  I don't use that bathroom.  Also,  I feel like doing the floor only.... just shows how out of date the rest of the room is. 
Anyway.  It was supposed to be a small repair job. Turned into whole new floor.  Way more than I wanted to spend.
All week updh has been huffing and puffing about how put out he is cuz we've been reduced to one bathroom while it's being done.  Me: uh huh...yup... (MC) Contractor seems to be looking for positive feedback about how it looks.  I explained to updh that normally this guy is doing full bath or kitchen remodels and his customers are excited.  I'm not.  Today it is almost done.  Contractor coming tomorrow to finish.  Updh says the guy will want to know what I thought,  do I like it.  Me: it's fine.  Updh tried to get me to be more excited,  I'm not, said as much.  Updh is concerned that contractor will want more.  I said "it's not important if I like it,  it's important if you like it,  so tell him you like it"
Updh is uncomfortable with this.
Good.
MC MC MC...

[Poison Ivy]

Ugh. I could see my ex behaving as your husband is.

[notrightinthehead]

Doing good! Stay strong! Kudos for your MC performance!

[11JB68]

Yeah,  no.  This went south soon after.  Updh left the room,  came back and then says,  just say the floor looks good.  Me: why? Him: because he's going to ask and I can't lie.  Me: so tell him you like it. 
Now....updh goes into what I call coercive control mode.... with the tone that says if I continue to refuse it will turn into an hours long argument.... so I caved and said the floor looks good.  Not a lie, it does. I am just not happy about it in any way....

[Call Me Cordelia]

I don't even understand what this argument is about. You both agree the contractor did a good job. Clearly I'm missing the PD subtext of this situation, with which I have had plenty of experience. There's no reasonable reason he can't say, "I like the floor," for Pete's sake.

You simply don't need to care whether YOUR feedback is at their perceived pitch-perfect level of excitement. Sometimes you just don't have time for that shiz. You did nothing wrong by telling the contractor the floor looks good. Because you don't have time for the drama either. Sometimes flexibility is self-protection. You are being normal.

[11JB68]

Cordelia,  I get it . It's quite subtle and I didn't explain fully or clearly. 
I did not want the floor done. Updh did.
Updh is very controlling about money,  especially when I want something.
This job ended up bigger/ more expensive than planned.  It was HIS idea. Had it been mine he would have been angry.
Yet I am supposed to get on board and be excited and happy about it,  .....so... updh can look good to the contractor???
My guess is updh knows I am not happy and does not want the contractor to know this.  Wants to be able to look like he made 'the wife' happy by spending money (my money btw) on the floor.
Also updh likely doesn't want to take responsibility for the fact that it ended up costing so much.
If WE had decided to remodel the bathroom.... and could afford it.... then I'd be excited.
We now have a nice floor in an otherwise outdated bathroom, and next time I want to spend money on something updh will say no we have to watch our budget.  (While I make 3x what he does)

[Poison Ivy]

I sensed some "person not wanting to take responsibility for the decision" in this situation, but I wasn't sure. I'm sorry you have to deal with behavior like this.

[square]

Yeah, my husband would care not one iota about looking good to the contractor, but I do identify with the demand for reassurance. I don't know if your husband has OCD (I understand the OCPD part). Mine has OCD and it can drive me up a wall when he pesters me fir reassurance about a decision he made. He wants me to say some magic set of words that will allow him to move on. Just agreeing is not enough, he'll then want me to convince him, he'll start arguing against the decision. I used to be so confused when after defending his decision to him, I'd decide he apparently liked the other choice better and concede the point, which would panic him.

The upshot was that he was making me responsible for his decisions. For convincing him they were right. When often the decisions had nothing to do with me, were outside my realm of expertise, or just plain was not my damn problem to babysit him emotionally for.

Our situations are different, and my husband has developed a new coping mechanism to deal with it that doesn't involve me (or anyone else). But I do recognize that obsessive pestering outside the boundaries of responsibility.