Such a big deal!

[Juju]

I have to write and ask if my possible PDP is expecting too much when someone doesn't return his texts ...... like now!!  I've noticed that he has practically disowned his nephew because he didn't respond to his text, his nephews wife is dying and he is going through hell but this doesn't matter to him!  He did this to me at the beginning of our relationship about texting, He would say well if you just said this or if you just did that then I would let it go.  He has a hard time letting anything go, He thinks just because he feels a certain way or if so and so would just say whatever then he would forget about it, what I think is he expects people to think and act the way he would, his expectations sometime exceed being realistic.  He complains about other people all the time. We all talk about other people and their behaviours sometimes but his reactions at times seem so intense!!!

[blunk]

My bpdxh was like this with regards to texting. If I didn't respond within the expected (arbitrary) timeframe, he would become increasingly nasty in his texts. This was despite me being busy at work, or in situations when I didn't have access to my phone. He would also escalate...if I didn't answer a text he would call, if I didn't answer the call he would show up to my house. It was highly disturbing. The last time it happened I told him that I had changed my phone number (I hadn't, I just blocked and deleted his number).

I'm very sorry you have had to experience this. I can truly be panic-inducing.

[Kitbit]

It sounds like very controlling behaviour, reflecting an unreasonable need for attention. Quite often there will be little insight by the person involved into the motivations for this attitude. If someone gets into this mode it can be very tempting to get caught up in it, so make sure you are careful with your boundaries, especially during the intense times.

[Big Bear]

Juju,

This sounds like such a difficult situation to be in.  I'm sorry that you have to deal with this demanding behavior.

One thing to consider is, are these text messages emergencies?  Like, I got a flat tire, ran out of gas, or need help right now?  If so, yes a quick response would be appropriate.  However, if they are non-urgent, minor matters, a delayed response may be a reasonable and appropriate response.  I hope that you could find a healthy balance in your communication habits.

For what it's worth, I only check my cell phone once a day.  Same with email, once a day is plenty.  In general, I do try to reply to respectful text messages and voice mails within 24 hours as a courtesy.  Normally I only answer my phone if my wife or someone from work is calling.  I'm not saying that everybody has to be like this.  Just saying that this works just fine for me.  It helps me focus on what I'm doing throughout the day. 

Big Bear

[escapingman]

My uNPDxw once blamed me for her crashing the car as I had not replied to a message she sent.

My uNPDxfil once sent me a message when I was at work on a customer site 3 hours away (which I failed to reply to) followed by another a couple of hours later telling me my phone must be broken.

It's frustrating but when you can see what they are and what they are doing you can raise above it. Good luck!