Trouble feeling good emotions?

[LittlePaw]

Hi all,

First off I just wanted to say thanks for this community, the forums and resources are incredibly helpful.

I was wondering if others struggle with feeling positive emotions for other people and have a hard time connecting with others?  I have periods where I know and feel that I love my partner and good friends, and I can make small talk at work and with strangers that feels enjoyable.  I have other times, and right now I'm in a long dark stretch of it, where I don't care at all about a single other person (or my pets, plants, myself, anything really), I don't reciprocate and I start to isolate.  It's scary to feel this total void of empathy and connection, and I just feel like this black hole sucking all the good in and giving nothing back in return. 

If you've felt this way, are there things that were helpful for you, did your usual self come back?  Thanks!

P.S. I'm also working with my doctor and trying new treatments for depression, so I'm hopeful that this is maybe another MDD episode that can be treated.  Also feeling like these aren't symptoms of a disorder, it's just who I am. Gah.

[square]

Hello,

I've seen something like this in others before. I don't think it's who you are, but a symptom.

I don't know the solution but here are the two ideas I have, in case one or the other seems potentially useful to you.

- Gratitude journal
As a CBT method, you may be able to turn back to empathy by using those pathways in your brain.

- Reduce inflammation
I've noticed some people feel "darker" when they have more inflammation in the body. I know it sounds kinda woo but I think there is some good evidence that inflammation leads to a variety of issues. It seems the solution is the same boring stuff we always hear that doesn't sound very useful but apparently really is. Reducing consuming thingsthat bother you (allergens, alcohol, sugar, junk food), eating healthier (whatever you notice makes you feel good and steady), exercise, fresh air. I do realize doing that stuff is specifically very hard when you're in a dark place, but even if it isn't something you can handle right now, keep it in mind for when you feel better.

I hope you feel better soon.

[LittlePaw]

Thanks very much for the suggestions Square.  I've fallen out of the habit of gratitudes and this is such a good reminder.  And I've heard about inflammation and mood too, so it can't hurt and might help.  Cheers and it's really appreciated.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Hey I relate to this! There may be many pathways trauma takes to get us here. But in case this helps you, too: Something clicked for me when I figured out that I had this belief that I was only worthy and "good enough" when I was being "productive" at every moment. I didn't know how to relax and have true leisure that was just for myself. I see how  that crept in: in my FOO the baseline of being acceptable and avoiding the worst of the abuse was perfection. Perfect grades, my looks were just right, I projected confidence to the world but not too much, my space was clean, organized, stylish (in my mother's style, naturally  )...

Anyway, all that to say that simple maintenance of being okay-ish took a TON of my mental and emotional energy. There was no genuine play when one always has to be so damn self-conscious. And I was not taught to celebrate, to be pleased, to be happy. Like I said, the pinnacle of my experience was escaping punishment. This time, anyway. So yeah, no wonder I couldn't relax and feel good about life! I was only one mistake away from disaster. It was all too reasonable to discount the positives and focus on the negatives as the threats I needed to over-manage to keep safe.

I'm learning to re-learn that now, by doing things simply because I like them, even though it is often majorly uncomfortable. The hardest thing really is getting started, and ignoring all the things I "should" be doing."