Lies

[RiverPurl]

Do these people lie?

I got a new round of communication from the person and she was rehashing the history and where we are and where we were.  The tale she wrote was very wrong and twisted too. Do these people lie easily?

[RiverPurl]

I didn't respond to it

[Poison Ivy]

I'm not sure what you mean by "these people." Yes, everyone sometimes lies. People with personality disorders might or might not lie more than other people do.

[NarcKiddo]

 

My family is full of PDs and every single one of them is a very skilled liar. I am one, too. That is what I was brought up to do. As time has gone by I have realised that lying is not something I wish to do around most people, but self-preservation dictates that I continue to lie around my PDs.

[SonofThunder]

Here is a link for your consideration.  You may desire to read over the entire top 100 traits of the personality disordered, located at the Personality Disorders tab at the top of the web page and then the toolbox tab to its right.

https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/pathological-lying

SoT

[moglow]

My mother's version of the truth doesn't necessarily ring the same for me. I wouldn't say she lies exactly but she regularly doubles down on what she believes to be true and has accused me many times of lying. When questioned further about her comments, she claims my memory is very convenient [hers of course is perfect and must not be questioned]. Well hello pot, meet kettle! Complete mindsweep of any culpability or questionable behavior on her part.

[Cat of the Canals]

Both my PDmom and PDmil are big fat liars, though the skill level varies. MIL is pretty transparent. If you've ever watched the show Breaking Bad, the main character has this tendency to totally overexplain when he's telling a lie. My MIL does that, so we can usually spot her lies from a mile away.

My mother is better at it, though I might feel that way because I grew up assuming she told me the truth, so it's been harder to teach myself to question what she says.

Another thing I'd also note is that when they lie, I think they often start to believe it. Reality seems to be somewhat malleable for them.

[Srcyu]

"Recollections may vary" (how true).

I believe they protect themselves with selective amnesia. Our place in the pecking order dictates that they didn't pay a whole lot of attention on how any situation affected us at the time. Also, complaints from us are immediately dismissed, again without any thought. They desperately need to protect their vision of themselves. Sheer spite will allow various untruths through in order to keep their version dominant.

So yeah, these people do lie.


milly

[Jolie40]

remember us all in car, getting ready to go in somewhere where every person had to pay
us kids in the backseat & dad turns around telling one of us kids to say their age was lower in order to get a lower price.....teaching us to lie

ALL of FOO, lied to me many, many times

one sibling said that parents NEVER paid for anything for them
yet I'd see checks @parent's house on counter written to their school for tuition.....she claimed to be SO poor yet her kids were in private school & that's cause parents paid for it

[countrygirl]

If confronted about anything negative she'd ever said, my Ober-N friend would respond, "That doesn't even sound like something I would say."  Once she told me about a woman who'd accused her of saying something bad to a family member and, sure enough, my friend angrily stated,  "That doesn't  even sound like something I would say."  Not only did it sound exactly like something she would say---I had HEARD her say the same thing to someone else!  So this was her stock answer, her ready-at-hand lie.  I guess you could say that when she said something didn't sound like something she'd say, you could know FOR SURE that she HAD said it!   

[Sneezy]

Almost nothing my mom (covert NPD) says is true.  Which is a serious problem as she is in her eighties and I sometimes really need to know if she is telling the truth or not.  She once told me she was having chest pains, so I called 911.  Then she got mad that she ended up in the ER.  I think the chest pains were a lie, but who knows?  My mom lies to make herself look good and to make herself look bad.  Crazy, I know, but if she makes herself look bad and gets people upset with her that feeds her narrative that she is a victim and everyone is mean to her.  My mom confabulates - i.e. fills in the blanks when she truly can't remember what happened.  She also lies just to see if she can get away with it.  If she gets away with a lie, that makes her happy.  If she gets caught and people get angry, then (as I said above) she can pretend to be the victim and rant about how everyone is mean to her.

My mom's lies are a serious problem for me and I'm actually seeing a therapist to work through my anger at all the lying and to figure out how to deal with it going forward.  I wish I had some advice for how to deal with all the lying, but it's tough.  Deep breaths and trying not to over-react is the best I can do for now.

[easterncappy]

Lying comes very naturally to both of my parents, I'm not exactly sure of their reasoning behind it. A part of it is manipulation, a part of it is thinking that this is just what everyone does ("It's not fair! Everyone lies, but when I lie, I get in trouble?" - my mom), etc. But they see no issue with it. Some things they'll admit were lies, others they'll double down on. My parents will lie about everything from very insignificant to life changing.

I lied a lot when I was younger because it was the behavior modeled at home, and some of my lies were an attempt to look like I didn't come from a family of weird and dysfunctional people. I don't know why, but eventually I realized I wasn't comfortable with the behavior and stopped.

[bunnie]

One of my brothers calls our uPD sibling and parent, "professional liars". So, yes, the npd family members in our foo lie. And they lie all. the. time. and they lie about. every. little. thing.
But the big slanderous lies are the most harmful.

[Amy-Rose]

The ones I've known have been a mixture of skilled and unskilled liars - sometimes BOTH.

My ex friend would lie, then weeks later contradict that lie. Or get so carried away telling a dramatic story that she was vert obviously lying. Other times, her lying was clever because she'd take a known fact and build a lie of it.