PD and hypochondria

[Ottile]

Hello all

I don't know if I'm finding any and all holes to pick on since my M's death but am reminded of her hypochondria.  She had been 'dying' for approx 38 years - always with the come hither drama about every ache pain or even a common cold but would she go and see the doctor - no, she would suffer loudly and with determination, definitely not in silence. I think she avoided the doctors and A+E least she be called out with 'nothing to see here'. Quite the opposite from what many of you have had to experience with emergency dashes to the hospitals.

No doubt this behaviour was nothing more than attention seeking for the suffering she felt she endured. Strangely we have been very lucky throughout the whole extended family in that we are (were)* a healthy bunch short of a few accidental broken bones. There is no history of severe illnesses or disease, drink problems or drug abuse.

With M she seemed drawn to compete with friends and acquaintances that her gripes were so much worse and would at times mirror and take on board the other's symptoms.   A friend of hers sadly lost a daughter to breast cancer yet M was screeching and wailing that no-one was being receptive or sympathetic as to how (?) this tragedy affected HER!  How exactly? Was it the drama? *Exact same thing when my younger brother had a life changing injury to his brain 5 years ago and now has a wheelchair and is unable to speak. I ended up losing it big time with her that the situation was not about her and how she would 'cope'. She went strangely quiet when finance and social care was discussed for adaptations to his home.

What exactly goes on in their heads is a mystery.

[Andeza]

Unfortunately this is a scenario with which many of us here are all too familiar. The medical drama tends to be just that. Drama. A source of attention and nothing more. My own uBPDm started declaring about a decade ago that she didn't expect to be around much longer. She's still around, having outlived my dad now. I've got an emotional can of worms to deal with still concerning that. Far as I know she's saying the same old stuff as always. This condition and that condition and taking an obscene amount of medicine for every little thing she can talk her doctor into thinking she has. I'm NC though. Have been for over three years.

The competition and jealousy are real. Mine threw a fit when her brother died, not respecting the grief of her living brothers essentially. Trying to make everything about her and denying their right to emotional upset. Two fits, now that I'm thinking about it. 

She threw another fit when my grandfather (her dad) died, because again the spotlight wasn't on her and she couldn't handle it. This is a woman that laughs louder and talks louder than anybody else in the room in order to dominate attention.

Yes the playbook is very common indeed.

[moglow]

And once again Andeza reveals that we do, in fact, have the same mother. 🙄 No one anywhere has the right to grieve - that's HERS. Everyone else is simply there to support and cater to her.

Medical issues? Mine had to have a pacemaker when she was 56 or so, seemed to believe she should then be "taken care of" [read: waited on hand and foot]. Oh but "it's genetic" this need for pacemaker (her father is the only other family member who had one, in his 80s). Never mind that at that point she'd been medicated for high blood pressure for some 30 years... Can't be that may have affected her heart function? Never mind.

And all of that when she was younger than I am now? All righty then.

[Ottile]

 Ah - I hadn't thought that it may be jealousies that drove her particular bus!  Makes sense if she could turn another's crisis into a drama for her.

My M seemed to enjoy displaying all her usual self-bought medications, with anything prescribed by the doc in pride of place, having her own "See, I told you I was ill".

It seems wrong that I have her gene pool to cart around but thankfully not her behaviours.   

[SonofThunder]

Moglow, you wrote:

"Medical issues? Mine had to have a pacemaker when she was 56.....Never mind that at that point she'd been medicated for high blood pressure for some 30 years... Can't be that may have affected her heart function? Never mind. "

Imo that "never mind" medical point is a good discussion, and aligns well with the original post about hypochondria.

Imo, PD's use "medical issues" in the Karpman drama 🔺 triangle because their tent is securely staked in the victim role.  They may wander out to play the other modes of persecutor or rescuer,  but only for self-motive; and that motive is to return to camp back at victim, as the chief victim.  Everyone else is manipulated in the other roles to amplify the victimhood of the PD. The entire 🔺is a very useful tool for PD's to keep others cycling in the larger IDD hampster wheel. 

"Medical issues" imo are both fabricated and real; undiagnoseable and diagnosable by a medical practitioner.  The undiagnosable ones are imo 🔺/IDD related and potentially Munchausen Syndrome. The diagnosable issues are imo a combo of being a living human being, but also created/amplified because of poor physical self care and psychological stressors. The three PD's in my life all display both undiagnosable and diagnosable medical issues, yet all have poor self-care habits. 

Couple both the known/outward and unknown/inward paranoias that PD's harbor, with the 🔺motives of victimhood and poor self-care takes on an exponential level. The very diagnoseable medical issues that arise from both real and poor-self-care become a further tool in the 🔺, now with a doctors diagnosis, yet the PD's in my life will many times not follow the doctors orders and/or take prescriptions and come up with all kinds of reasons they dont/cant.  This revolving victim door of both fake and real medical issues grow like compounding interest. 

I simply had to decide for myself to self-protect in proper boundary work and allow adults to adult themselves, but sadly the PD's wrap everyone else up in the 🔺so I find myself with my own oxygen mask on in the 51% rule and just not giving a shat (indifference) about anyone elses 🔺manipulated opinions of me, or my self-protecting, balanced treatment of other people in my life. 

Therefore, full circle, imo very real issues can arise from poor physical and mental self-care. Hypochondria can be fueled by both real/fabricated issues and poor self care.  Imo, its all to fuel the base-camp at 🔺victim.  Motive is everything.

SoT