PD parents with no regrets

[Ottile]

Back again trying to make sense of it all. My brain hurts trying to make sense of the lived experience.  Why is it that PDs seemingly have no regrets. Are they devoid of conscience or too self-absorbed in denial of how horribly they treated people. No regrets over inflicting verbal and physical abuse time and time again often to cause deliberate smugly satisfying hurt by any means at their disposal.  Is their confidence in themselves so warped and twisted that they feel unaccountable/untouchable with their back up of flying monkeys who will stand and defend.

I just don't get it, I really don't. It's cruel.

I do see that the dysfunction they create needs an SG as a conduit to absorb all the negativity about them lest it be (truthfully and honestly)  directed at the real source.

I went NC over 20 years ago. I have regrets in that I hot-headedly sent SF The Letter, leaving no stone unturned. The break point had arrived. My M let me and my step-siblings down by doing absolutely nothing to protect us to the point of indifference, naked contempt and neglect. I despised both of them. Jointly or apart they were sick individuals and nothing will change my mind on this. Nothing would have saved them from themselves - no reflection, no therapy - nada zilch nothing.

I will survive this turn of events somehow......I always quite literally feared the day would come when M died but it was a bolt out of the blue despite.  THE DAY has been and gone - the damage being picked over, the inner feelings laid bare. I resent her dying if that makes any sense. I wasn't ready.

[Srcyu]

You weren't ready because you are still seeking answers.

The very long term no contact ( been there) was a protective measure. You've grown up a fair bit since it all started yet still can't get your head around it.
I've recently concluded that my deceased ubpd mother and her followers are low people - just not nice basically - bullies. These types of people are everywhere even in our foo.

She went and died on you when a lot of business was still unfinished. Trust her. Now she's well out of it while you still flounder. Feeling unease now and perhaps a bit lost is common. I was fortunate though, I felt nothing when mine died.

The answer didn't lie with M. She was not capable of giving anything good. She had no insight apart from her own feelings. There was nothing there worth having.
You are no worse off, just different now.


milly

[Marianne]

Hey there. It is somewhat later. How are you now?

I know I felt absolutely horrible after mum died, because it was not finished. And aroused a whole lot of conflicting feelings in me - shame, fear, anger, grief. It took a long while. But I feel a lot more whole now.

Hope your feelings are going in a healing direction. Even if it takes time.