I'm Back

[unicorn]

I left my non-dx PD around 7 years ago. Life has gotten so much better and I've really moved past it. HOWEVER, there are some things in my life that have happened that are triggering old feelings:

1. I just moved in my (amazing) boyfriend. This has triggered memories of the last time I lived with a "partner" who wasn't amazing.

2. My children are growing into their late teens my oldest is just now remembering the physical violence that happened when they were young. Which I talked with her about, and she is currently seeing a therapist.

3. I just had dinner with my two former SILs (married to my ex's brothers) which really made me see/reflect how dysfunctional and horrible that whole family is. His brothers are still not well, and one of my ex SILs is literally just hoping her spouse will die.

Yesterday I was at the grocery store. I saw some mouthwash that I remember buying years ago, when my ex was convincing me that I had halitosis - which I never had and my dentist thought I was crazy when I brought it up. I also remember him flipping out about buying bread that was "too hard" multiple times. So much that I remember having anxiety whenever i went shopping.

In a way I want to journal/talk to my therapist about these memories that are being triggered. But will that even help? Maybe I should reflect, acknowledge and move on with my day?

[hhaw]

Therapy has advanced.

Mind/body connection is important.

Processing trauma (while feeling safe)  processes trauma OUT of limbic system and into historic files.  Therapist who talk talk talk about the same traumas are missing the mark, ime.  I tired of re experiencing old trauma, over and over, sans relief.

Trauma gets stuck when the brain is overwhelmed by fight or flight/survival mode.  If one can calm the brain down, the brain processes trauma easily and in milliseconds.   

The trick is to become aware of the stress in the body....to find ways to calm the Nervous System by engaging the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS).  The PNS is responsible for turning off the Fight or Flight/ Nervous System (NS.) 

One can't think their way out of Fight or Flight survival mode....ime it just makes it more difficult.

Mindful breathing, grounding techniques, tapping and EMDR, etc, practiced with an appropriate Trauma Informed Therapist, can facilitate healing with economy if motion, ime.

Healing journeys are very personal things.  Your therapist (T) might be just right for you, but not someone else.  Maybe you'd be better served by a different therapist?  I don't know, but I do know it's important to feel safe and not all T's are created equal.

I think journaling can be helpful.  Allowing all feelings and thoughts, sans judgment, can lead to discovery of unconscious belief systems which are true causes of suffering.  Discovering causes, and dealing with thwm, I stead I'd addressing symptoms is a good thing.

Suffering is a symptom of fearing into the future or ruminating into the past. The brain believes thoughts are real experience, therefore one's biochemistry releases fight or flight chemicals at the thought if old trauma, as though it was happening in the present.  The brain shuts down access to logic, reason and creative problem solving.  Primitive brain/fight or flight survival brain doesn't care about quality of life.  It only cares about survival. 

Childhood coping strategies are unhelpful relics in adulthood, ime.  They can be caught and examined.  Changed from reactivity/trauma responses into responsiveness and the ability to respond in order to bring about the best possible outcome.

Living in the moment/doing what you can then putting the story on the shelf to BE present (=less suffering) is a life strategy.  Worrying, worrying, worrying, without pause, is a strategy (=more suffering.)  Which strategy seems more familiar to you?

Replacing all judgment with curiosity is helpful. 

Deep and abiding self compassion is a necessary balm, ime.

Accepting what can't be changed is important.

Releasing expectation helps too.

When your body experiences emotionally charged jolts, connected to old trauma....,that's information letting you know some part of you requires attention and tending to.  That distress us just a messenger.

Learning to sit in non judgmental awareness is a practice one cultivates...never perfects, but is so very necessary for healing, ime.

Your thoughts are not your essential self.  They are clouds and storms passing by.  You can learn to shift into Observer mode, where healing happens.

You are the blue sky, always.  The clouds come and go, impermanent.  The blue sky is always present, no matter passing weather systems.  Your essential self...the one you were born to be, can be remembered and restored.

The software your parents installed isn't who you are.  Your coping strategies are not YOU. 

Once you learn to notice what's happening in your body and mind, you cultivate a split second BEFORE reacting....this provides a small window of choice, which is everything, ime.  You only need a split second, before reacting, to restore choice.  You might choose to react.  You might choose something else. 

One learns to regulate emotions and live in the present more often, till it becomes the Nervous System's new default setting.

New brain pathways can be formed and strengthened with mindfulness practice. Awareness of one's  internal world, and how the body experiences trauma, is the first step to discerning what coping strategies work and which should be replaced, ime.


That's a ramble.  I hope it helps.🌱

[moglow]

Hhaw, ramble it may be, I still dig what you shared up there!


Unicorn, i suspect we all have triggers of varying size and strength, some are degniteky tougher than others both to face and to overcome. Me, I find it helpful to do exactly as you suggest: reflect, acknowledge and move on. Journaling is always a great way to do that, get it out and step away. Sometimes quiet validation from a good friend help too, that it was what it was, that you didn't imagine it.