Mother's Day Struggles

[Ms.Fang]

Mother's Day coming up next week has been bringing it all up again lately. It also happens to mark the day that I've gone 4 months in NC with my narc mum.
All the advertisements do is bring up feelings of sadness, bitterness and guilt. It's so frustrating not being able to opt out of them. Home is not even safe from being reminded about it as emails and phone ads pop up all the time. I have managed to put some things in place to look forward to on that day like getting a tattoo but the long lead up to mother's day is super frustrating and also bringing up horrible dreams.
Thanks for letting me have a wee rant. I'm sure there are plenty of you out there feeling the same way.

Kia Kaha

[PunkCroc]

I'm having mixed feelings about Mother's Day too. I always had mixed feelings about it being celebrated in general (the history of what happened to the woman who created it is truly horrible and she died in a terrible way) but with the new knowledge I have about who my mother really is and the amount of lies I've been living with her...compounded by her behavior surrounding my dad's death, and the deaths of both of my grandmothers (within a month of each other) it's hard to know what to do.

I do believe she's probably overwhelmed and grieving, but I also don't know what is genuinely her grieving and what is her just being...her. It's hard to believe anything she says. I don't feel like sending her anything or saying anything. I don't want to send a gift because the house is so full of crap and garbage it would just be another piece of crap in a hoarder house. And cards don't accurately describe the feelings.

Does anyone know where I can get a card that just states pure facts? "You are my mother." "You gave birth to me on your birthday, therefore, we have the same birthday." "Today is Mother's Day."

[NotCryingGlitter]

Mother's Day coming up next week has been bringing it all up again lately. It also happens to mark the day that I've gone 4 months in NC with my narc mum.
All the advertisements do is bring up feelings of sadness, bitterness and guilt. It's so frustrating not being able to opt out of them. Home is not even safe from being reminded about it as emails and phone ads pop up all the time. I have managed to put some things in place to look forward to on that day like getting a tattoo but the long lead up to mother's day is super frustrating and also bringing up horrible dreams.
Thanks for letting me have a wee rant. I'm sure there are plenty of you out there feeling the same way.

Kia Kaha

The e-mails are annoying, but I just delete them the same day. I wish there was a way to opt out of certain holidays with the store emails. I watch cop show re-runs on those days to distract me.

I don't feel like sending her anything or saying anything. I don't want to send a gift because the house is so full of crap and garbage it would just be another piece of crap in a hoarder house. And cards don't accurately describe the feelings.

Does anyone know where I can get a card that just states pure facts? "You are my mother." "You gave birth to me on your birthday, therefore, we have the same birthday." "Today is Mother's Day."

You gave me a smile with the dry humor card comments...I'll have to remember the "you are my mother" mother's day card.

Here's what I posted in another thread...

I'm a card person, but I stopped with the cards for those two holidays a long time ago. I have to avoid certain things on those days, because of how much I hate the parent celebrations. Instead of "wishing" them a "happy" day, just focus on the gift part without much talk about the holiday itself. Although there really is no trick that always works, I do my best to "compromise" by making the gift something they will like/use, but not sentimental. Instead of flowers or items with quotes (that are lies to us, ha), give them kitchen or garage items, etc. I've started doing the same thing with their birthday gifts, and I buy cheap, so I'm not spending much money. I try to distract myself as much as possible on those holidays and stick to TV re-runs for a few days, cuz the news is full of the holiday talk.

My best advice is to make yourself as busy as possible that day, so that time with them is more limited. Try volunteering with foster kids nonprofits, with the icing on the cake being that you have a good excuse ("these kids don't have parents"), and you'll be rewarded with all of the blessings of being a beacon for those kids.