Moving back to due life struggles?

[mary_poppins]

Hi all.

I know that many of you will disagree with this post but I was wondering how bad will it be if I moved back to my country to live with PD parents for a while (until I got my own place). The main reason I am considering this is the incredibly hard time I have in my new country.(I moved here last November)

I have had toxic roommates and an insane landlord who traumatized me to the core (she was a PD). My current landlord is cool but my roommates are hard to deal with. I just cant live with people anymore so I considered getting a place for myself in this foreign country. Ha ha. I looked at the rents of studios in the city and they are 1800 euros a month I'm trying to find something around 1000 but I don't know if it's even possible. Also, paying 1K for a studio from my salary is going to be quite hard but I would sacrifice money to have mental health.

Now if I think of my country, a studio is only 300e a month, you can get less for it if you want. The cost of living is also very low.
The downside of going back to my country is having to deal with them, my family, and possibly cutting the ties with them in the future.
Unfortunately, I moved to one of the most expensive countries in the world but I really like it and if it wasn't for the rents and high prices I'd have a great time.

I am also thinking that my current mental state is bad because I'm still trauma bonded with my family and have not settled in the new country. I have no friends to rely on, no one to advise me on what to do if I have x/y problem (and I have) and where to go.

Now I want to change apartments again and I did find reliable rents in the city however, that means I need to share the place with god knows what people. Unless I come up with 2K to pay for a studio, but, even if I had 80K a year to spend, I wouldn't be able to justify putting 2K euros a month in a landlord's pocket. It's ridiculous 

Not sure what I want from writing this post, perhaps I wanna vent and expose my mental state because I know that you guys understand. But feel free to advise me with something you would do if you were me.

[moglow]

Six months isn't much time to build a life and decide whether or not a place is for you, however costs are a huge consideration and could be a deal breaker for me too. Understand there will be people with whom you disagree or cannot depend, no matter where you go. Often roommates want to be just that, roommates sharing costs and living their own lives. For me personally, that's exactly what I wanted and I didn't like it when mine expected "more" - it's nice to be included, but by no means required. By nature I'm more introverted and simply need quiet/alone time. My last few experiences with roommates were not comfortable for me. They expected instant add water and stir besties, with way too much overlap in our lives than I was comfortable with. But I was desperate with limited means and took what was available at the time.

All that said - moving back to home country doesn't mean you have to move in with family or even in the same city. I'm not sure why you'd *have* to "deal with them" at all unless/until you chose to. They still don't have to be involved in your every day life, or not involved at all for that matter.

None of your options have to be all or nothing, is what I'm saying. Look for happy mediums you can live with, and adjust accordingly. Other people's expectations have nothing to do with you - that's their stuff to deal with. You get to live your own life wherever you choose to go.

[mary_poppins]

Thanks, moglow. You're right, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. My goal is to move on my own in my home country when I make enough money.
If I stayed in this country, I'd need to spend at least 1K on accomodation to live alone (if I'm lucky to find this cheap). Sorry about your roommates, I wouldn't wanna be convinced into socializing in my own home. I am also an introvert and need my quiet time often.

My roommates are ok-ish except for the fact that they're very loud and that makes me so anxious. No peace and quiet where I live..
It's a gamble everywhere you move, meaning the people you're gonna live with are not gonna be 100% as you like. I did have nearly perfect roommates at the beginning of this year but they moved out (some went back to their countries).

When I moved to this country I had no idea that living with so many strangers is gonna impact my life negatively. I thought I'm gonna have to get used to it. But I can't, I'm an introvert, I can't get used to people's habits, loose boundaries and noises. I feel like I'm too grown up to tolerate living with youngsters or other grown ups. It's a huge source of daily stress. There is also a lot of drama atm because some of them don't wanna pay the bills. Again, I don't wanna deal with this. When you're on your own you don't stress about bills or cleaning or noises.

I'll need to take a decision this week-go back or stay here and try to make it while living with others (or getting a studio on my own).
Wish me luck.

[Jolie40]

Unfortunately, I moved to one of the most expensive countries in the world but I really like it and if it wasn't for the rents and high prices I'd have a great time.

since you like the country, I wouldn't give up too soon

one of my siblings moved to another state
she has had apartment issues, also
in fact, she's moved 4 times in four years!
now she is FINALLY in an apartment she likes

maybe you can get an apt & advertise for a roommate & get someone you like

[Boat Babe]

Hi Mary. I've lived abroad and it takes a while to get settled and I'm sorry you've had some setbacks. My concern is that your response is to go back to your parents, rather than find other solutions to your problems. That suggests you have still got some serious trauma bonds that need addressing. I can promise you that if you go back you will immediately regret it and then be stuck, and deeply unhappy, again. There must be other ways you can address your problems Mary. Hugs

[SonofThunder]

Hi Mary. I've lived abroad and it takes a while to get settled and I'm sorry you've had some setbacks. My concern is that your response is to go back to your parents, rather than find other solutions to your problems. That suggests you have still got some serious trauma bonds that need addressing. I can promise you that if you go back you will immediately regret it and then be stuck, and deeply unhappy, again. There must be other ways you can address your problems Mary. Hugs

  +1

Mary, there are two statements in your first two posts, which imo are most important to your decision.

"... but I would sacrifice money to have mental health."

" I'm an introvert, I can't get used to people's habits, loose boundaries and noises. I feel like I'm too grown up to tolerate living with youngsters or other grown ups"

Imo, moving back in with PD parents and those two sentences do not agree.  Understood on the high cost of living in your current country.  Are there ways to stay in this country you are enjoying, yet find more reasonable rent.  For example, if living close to your work location causes you to pay high rent, would you be willing to have a much farther drive to work to move to an area that may have lower rent.

In my area in the USA, the closer to the city, the higher the rent. Renting a room/apartment in the countryside is much more reasonable. 

Again, those two quotes from you would drive my decision-making and even have me considering whether I was experiencing some loneliness symptoms.  If so, are there some hobbies you enjoy, in which you can join up with others who may enjoy similar things.  I find certain hobbies attract certain personality types, and finding likeminded personality types can be rewarding.  Finding likeminded hobby friends, could lead to finding a better suited person to split the high rent, lowering your portion to a more affordable sum. And again letting "...I would sacrifice money to have mental health." lead the way

SoT

[mary_poppins]

Hi and thanks for the input. All your advice is sound but I can't see myself doing that. When I said I'm living in the most expensive country in the world I was serious. The only way I can get cheap rent is if I moved to the Northern part of the country where there are no jobs. Here in the south there are the jobs so I need to stay here. But I can't tolerate living with people. Unless I live with a boyfriend, but that's not the case right now.
I'm so dissapointed for choosing such an expensive country and am tired of moving to different places every two months.

I believe trauma bond combined with loneliness is what makes me consider going back. The loneliness is really bad. I have only one friend but I just realized he may have narcissistic traits. He constantly breaks my boundaries. I told him over and over that we're friends only and he keeps pushing me to become more than friends. I may have to let him go soon.

Anyway, I really hope this is just a temporary bad situation and I won't have to go back. However, I'd need to take a decision soon so I can make plans. Oh I am not working at the moment due to a bad move from my part (Idk if I said this in the first message)-someone promised me a different, better job so I quit my previous job for this job. The promised job fell through so I'm now jobless. I guess this is the main reason I'm freaking out and dissapointed in this country. I lost a perfectly ok job for a job that didn't materialize  So angry on myself right now..

Anyway, will see what I do. Maybe a miracle happens and I find a new apartment and a job in one go.

[mary_poppins]

Of course, I would pay 1K to live alone but right now I have no job.
Getting a place first and then try to find roommates is a no-no. I'd have to first pay 3K and then find 2 roommates who would be able to give me 1K each to make rent. Imagine that the majority of jobs here are paying 2K/month (on average). There are even that pay less (minimum wage jobs) so things are tough for anyone not only me. I'd love to hang in there and give this country another shot. I'm just thinking of what options I have atm.