Golden Child and Pregnancy

[sunshine702]

I need some ideas/ advice.  What is a good Grey Rock to sidestep here? I sense a Cat 5 Narc Rage incoming-

The situation.  My niece H is pregnant.  My Scapegoated brother whom I am very close with told me when we spoke about my husband's father dying.  I have not been told by my Narc mother or the gal's  father (my estranged Golden Child younger brother)

I just stumbled upon the baby shower thrown by her mom on Facebook by  My estranged brother's ex wife.

So you are kind of seeing we are not that tight.  What complicates the issue for me is this person is 100 percent my Narc mother's source.  If I wanted any VLC contact with her I would have to enquirer about Golden Grandchild H.

I don't think my mom likes the pregnancy.  I think it ruins her control.  I think this will change tbings. 

Say nothing?  Say hey I saw the Beatrix Potter Baby Shower Pix.  Say close brother J told me.   Is it a boy or a girl?  Say nothing unless told?  What do you guys think?

[Liketheducks]

Are you thinking of speaking to your VLC mom about the golden grandchild's pregnancy?   Or the golden grandchild?  Or the estranged brother?  Maybe I'm misunderstanding.   

I'd wish the pregnant grandchild well directly, if you have a relationship with her.   And then, I'd maintain my boundaries with the others.  If it comes up, it comes up.   

Predicting the Cat 5 Narc Rage... no way to predicting or prevent these.   That's on her, not you.   

[NarcKiddo]

My understanding of your question is that you want ideas of a Grey Rock approach to your mother in respect of your niece's pregnancy.

My answer to that question is that the best Grey Rock approach is to say nothing to your mother. If she brings up the subject you can just say "Oh, yes" to indicate you are aware and then see where she is going with her line of conversation. Offer nothing in the way of information or opinion. If she asks how you know you can either tell the truth, that J told you, or just give more of a non-answer like "It's common knowledge. H's mother splashed it all over Facebook." As the conversation progresses you can just let her go on about what she thinks of it all and say "um" and "ah" in appropriate places.

I don't understand who the person is who is your mother's source so I can't comment on how this might play into what I have suggested above.

[sunshine702]

It is my niece.  My younger brother was golden child growing up. I was the ignored child/ caretaker and my older brother was Scapegoat.  When Golden Child had a child super young and they needed my mom and lived with her. That child H became Golden Child.  I was buying my fist house right them and needed my parent's advice or at least comfort it was stressful.

All I got during that entire period was how wonderful H was.  And what a great parent she was  It was really over the top.  I haven't forgotten that.  It hurt.

And now that history has repeated itself and she has a child herself young I just know it is going to be tough on my mom's fragile ego. 

When a Narc turns on a source.  She honestly SEES herself as H.  But this pregnancy - this has her pulling closer to her own mom and that side of the family.  Absolute radio silence from my mom lately.