Um. Hi.

[CoralineJones]

Hello, forum.

I wonder if everyone who writes these posts stares at that blinking cursor, wondering how to condense what brought you here into a "getting to know you" elevator pitch. If we all delete that first paragraph six or eight or twenty times, fighting the reflexes that urge us to silence.

About me: I'm a middle aged woman in a stable multi-decade marriage with no kids. Both parents are living, one sister, one brother.
I grew up deeply enmeshed in a toxic family system. The enforced distance of the COVID-19 pandemic broke that enmeshment. A year without having to see them brought me nothing but relief... and when I started asking why, everything I thought was true about my family fell apart.

I have been NC with my mother for more than a year. I was always told she was Bipolar, but when I told the therapist I'd been seeing for years that I'd decided to go NC, they told me to pick up a book called "Surviving A Borderline Parent". That book filled in a lot of holes for me.
Months later, my golden-child sister cut me off from her entire family (nieces and nephews included) in retaliation. It blindsided me, and it leveled me. When I asked my husband what I missed, why this happened? He unloaded about everything he had seen from her, especially her behavior toward me, during our marriage. I now recognize that rant as a textbook description of narcissist behavior.
My enabling father kept me under emotional siege for almost a year, trying to get me to back down from NC. In the end, I went NC with him too.

My brother and I still speak. He was the forgotten child. I am - or was - the scapegoat.

I took almost a calendar year, start to finish. I've been NC with my father for more than six months, and it still doesn't feel like it's over. I've done a lot of lurking in group forums for estranged adult children, a lot of reading, a lot of therapy.
But neither my therapist or my husband has ever been through this. There are things they just don't get.
I figure maybe it's time to seek out people who do.

[notrightinthehead]

And you have come to the right place! Welcome!  It seems you are in a good space right now, unraveling your past and making sure you have good boundaries for the future. You are not alone! Hope to see you around on the boards.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome.

I think Covid brought many things into sharp focus for many people. I know the relief of not having to see these people and having a cast iron excuse they could not argue with.

Yes, people here certainly get it. I think you will find much support here.

[bloomie]

Welcome Coraline Jones! I am thankful you have joined us and appreciate you giving us a glimpse of what brings you here.

There is something powerful and unique that happens here. As a spoke in the wheel of your recovery and healing journey Out of the FOG is unlike anything else I have found. You will see, in the similarities in toxic relational patterns so many of us have experienced and stories we share, that you are not alone.

Keep coming back and sharing. It helps to lighten a heavy load!

[treesgrowslowly]

Welcome!

It really is a challenge to condense the years of misery we've had with PD FOO, into an elevator pitch as you said. So true!

The info out there today about PD parents is so helpful. I'm glad you had a therapist who knew to direct you to the book "Surviving a borderline parent".

When I went NC, this info. was just starting to become more available via books and media. That was almost 20 years ago now! It really helps to connect with people who get it.

See you around the boards!

Trees