Basic List of Actions

[StartingHealing]

Greetings to all here.  I'm nearing the end of the "big" stuff in the process of getting divorced from a wBPD. I'm divorced, but the separation of financial aspects is still on going.   

Remembering the fear and how that messes with your head I came up with a basic list of concrete actions to take for self - protection after you are in a safe space.   The order may be different for your particular situation.  Please take it as a starting point.  I'm certain that this isn't the end all be all and I'm not suggesting that it is. Please note that this is based on a particular state in the USA.  It could be different based on where you are residing.

I would like other members to make whatever additions they are led to. My hope is that perhaps this could ultimately become a resource for others that are just starting their journey in getting free from BPD person. 


Get a list of any and all digital accounts that are shared.  Who is the primary account holder?  If it's you then proceed accordingly. 

Go to post office and get a P.O. Box in your name.  Submit a change of address to USPS and use new P.O. Box for billing address. If you have your name on a shared P.O. Box, get it removed.

Go to a bank or credit union and start your own account.  Use P.O. box for billing address.
If you have direct deposit, get that changed to go into your new account.

While you're at bank, get statements of the shared accounts showing balances and recent transactions.

If there is a shared shopping account in which you are primary (Amazon, Ebay, etc.) change the email associated with it and password.  Obtain order history (as much as possible) .

Collect / copy / Obtain 3 years of tax returns.  (Consult with attorney if need more / what information)
Inform your tax professional of the situation, they could also provide you with copies of the tax returns. 

If that does not show the income from the other party, then see if you can acquire current information.

Start working through the digital accounts.  Email, banking, etc.  Change passwords, turn on multifactor authentication.  And that is for all accounts including reward accounts. (grocery)

Talk to Human Resources at work and obtain a yearly salary statement for your income.
Also inform them of the situation.  It's possible that the person may call to harass you or them.

Also, if you have any retirement accounts get the information on them as well. Are they shared, etc.
If the other party is on the retirement account as a beneficiary, remove them. 

While it doesn't feel normal to share with others the situation, letting people know at the bank, post office, etc. what is going on, and asking them for help since they have expertise that you do not, they typically will help as much as possible.

After all that:
Start working on the real estate information. 
Check with your county to see if they offer a notification of attempted recording program. 
If they do, sign up for it.  With this you be notified if someone tried to record a different title on the real estate.

Wishing all here, all the best

[Poison Ivy]

Make sure that whatever you are trying to do is legal. I don't want to get dinged here for giving legal advice, so I'll leave it at that.

[losingmyself]

Record all of your personal belongings. Photos are the best way, so if an item goes missing you have photo evidence of it.
Record all of your STBX's e-mails and any other communications with you, especially if you have kids. Check to find out if audio recordings are legal in your state.
Remove yourself from online presences, such as Facebook, Twitter, etc. 

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

When it is legal to do so, changing beneficiary's - people forget that sometimes, and from accounts you don't often think of - like your checking account or a small life insurance plan from your job (I just remembered I have one that I never changed the beneficiary).

Of course, only when legally you can change them