how much of myself is just a screw?

[xuma]

Hello, new here. I felt the need to share bc things have been confusing and very overwhelming and i feel deeply alone. I am a woman in my early 20's.

Facing my family's issues in an honest way came in the form of physical illness and neglecting my health, in the past i had had several awful symptoms but this time I forced myself to be sick since feeling debilitated gave me some control over the terrible anxiety ive had since i was a kid. I didnt want to give up the little but incredibly relieving numbness. However, its become too much and im scared about irreversible damage so im slowly trusting and forgiving myself so to speak.

I know both my parents have serious issues (and my sister too) and i have countless of unpleasant memories and bad interactions that i never seem to identify so I can trust my instincts and step away. More than worrying and obsessing about their condition, I want to feel, feel myself and go into the abyss that i am so terrified of. Ive been getting into body work and somatic experiencing since its the only thing that makes sense after all the tiring theories and mostly redundant, underestimating branches of psychology and philosophy that made sense at some point. Im so tired of my life revolving around old and hurtful cycles of people trying their hardest to simply go and push through in spite of the appalling reality.

Id be nice to hear if someone else relates to my experience. Best wishes.

[xredshoesx]

xuma welcome to the group-

Out of the FOG is an online support group for people who deal with a loved one, friend, coworker or relative who may have a personality disorder.  although we can't diagnose someone- nobody here is a dr and this is the internets, you can check out some of the different types of PDs here.

Disorders

this resource has the common traits of many PDs
Top 100 Traits 

if you think someone in your circle may have a undiagnosed PD, we are listening when you are ready to share more.  until then, we'll keep a light on.

[NotCryingGlitter]

Hello, new here. I felt the need to share bc things have been confusing and very overwhelming and i feel deeply alone. I am a woman in my early 20's.

Facing my family's issues in an honest way came in the form of physical illness and neglecting my health, in the past i had had several awful symptoms but this time I forced myself to be sick since feeling debilitated gave me some control over the terrible anxiety ive had since i was a kid. I didnt want to give up the little but incredibly relieving numbness. However, its become too much and im scared about irreversible damage so im slowly trusting and forgiving myself so to speak.

I know both my parents have serious issues (and my sister too) and i have countless of unpleasant memories and bad interactions that i never seem to identify so I can trust my instincts and step away. More than worrying and obsessing about their condition, I want to feel, feel myself and go into the abyss that i am so terrified of. Ive been getting into body work and somatic experiencing since its the only thing that makes sense after all the tiring theories and mostly redundant, underestimating branches of psychology and philosophy that made sense at some point. Im so tired of my life revolving around old and hurtful cycles of people trying their hardest to simply go and push through in spite of the appalling reality.

Id be nice to hear if someone else relates to my experience. Best wishes.

If someone in your family has caused you a lot of stress because of treating you badly, you can look up local support groups that can help you find a therapist that specifically deals with your type of situation.

I'm not sure what your circumstance is in terms of your family (feel free to share ), but I do hope that you will take care of yourself and your health. Anxiety and stress can take a major toll on the body long term. Again, feel free to share more background into your situation.