Going NC because of a dog

mary_poppins · July 24, 2023, 07:25:31 AM

Hi all.

I posted here before that I went NC with FOO in 2016 but resumed contact in 2020 when the pandemic hit. In 2022 I went VLC but had to again resume contact for various reasons.
Well, one big reason I resumed contact was because of a dog. (and he is also the reason I will go NC this year)

Please, bare with me so I can explain the whole story.
OK, so when I resumed contact in 2020, I was intruduced to the family dog, a beautiful Border Collie. They bought him as a puppy for a lot of money from a breeder. Anyway, me and this dog got very attached to each other.

But I found out from the discussions of my parents that my brothers abuse this dog (they neglect him, beat him, kick him and pull his ears-they are grown ups but still behave like kids). I also found out that he was beaten by either my mother or father as a puppy for peeing/pooing in the house. This dog has not received ANY training at all. He has no idea how to behave with both adults and dogs. He is very friendly and will go to any person on the street to socialise (cute but also dangerous).

Anyway, I moved out and went VLC last year but resumed contact this year in May (big mistake but you gotta learn your lessons, no?) I went full contact because I felt so guilty leaving this dog behind. I know that he is the main source of supply in the family and the punch bag (of course, because all pets that belong to PDs are used as a tool to get something/achieve something/get relief from inner turmoil, etc) so I couldn't live with myself knowing I didn't do anything to remove him from the home.

Last week I heard that he was again beaten (the border collie bit a small puppy-he was forced to socialize with this puppy-doesn't like them and so he had to attack). For this he was beaten and I realized that it is my last drop. This is why I should go no contact and never look behind.

I need to go to report the dog abuse but I am terrified that I won't be believed or that authorities won't do anything about it. I really want this dog to be removed from this family and Idk if I have enough evidence and proof (have some voice recordings that confirm the beatings). This really breaks my heart and I don't know how to feel or think about it..

My head is now thinking if this is enough reason to go NC this year and why am I making this so dramatic. But my heart says that it IS the right thing to go NC because people who abuse animals cannot have love and empathy for me. And if they were strangers, I would not only report them but never hang out with them or say hello to them.

I know that there is no one sole reason to go NC because there are so many out there. And yet, I still wait for something big and dramatic to happen (the dog gets sick and dies because of them?) to justify me going NC.

Just wanted to share this because it is really heavy on my mind.

mary_poppins · July 24, 2023, 07:34:16 AM

Also, I'm not sure I should put trigger warnings because of mentions of animal abuse.

Poison Ivy · July 24, 2023, 08:47:48 AM

Oh, this is such a difficult situation. I would feel torn if I were in your position. I do think you should report the abuse of the dog. Reporting is within your power; whether anything is done with the report is not.

Hilltop · July 24, 2023, 08:34:04 PM

I would also report the animal abuse. Going NC is such a personal decision, you will be the one to live with that decision. I think its natural to want some validation that things are off as we grow up in a distorted environment and we don't know if things ae as bad as we think they are. Animal abuse to me is one of the things that tops the list for me for red flags. It shows a complete lack of empathy.

My parents had a dog and walked it off the leash, it nipped someone. They were so scared of litigation they put the dog down. Even the vet was upset, which says alot. He said he could rehome the dog but they insisted it was put down. Complete lack of empathy which extended to people.

notrightinthehead · July 25, 2023, 01:06:59 AM

Your post is hard for me to read. I had a border collie I loved dearly and it pains me to read about this one being abused.
You might ask yourself- what good do these people bring to your life? Is that worth all the pain they bring?

miffyxo · July 26, 2023, 02:10:37 AM

If I were you I would report the abuse (if you feel safe enough) I foster for a local charity and everyone takes any allegations of abuse really seriously. I know how you feel feeling like you have to be in contact with family

miffyxo · July 26, 2023, 02:17:22 AM

My family have constantly kept pets and it's like they use them to fill a gap in their life and often used to say their pets were more important than me. But do really weird things like leave their bearded dragon out of the tank to "cuddle" them (both died at early ages). I remember begging them for a normal pet like the other kids had and them sneering at people who had cats and dogs, we always had birds and bearded dragons. Just before I moved out a stray cat turned up and they took the cat on as their own but keep him in the garage?? They wouldn't have him live in the house and I still worry about him being cold and not having the same priveleges as their other pets. Seems to be a link between npd and animal abuse for sure
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mary_poppins · July 27, 2023, 12:11:57 PM

Thanks, guys for all your responses. I personally get very, very triggered by animal abuse and even more so if my family is involved in it. Growing up, we had different animals (we had hamsters and then parakeets) and they all died because of neglect and lack of care. When I was VLC, mom bought a new parakeet which she neglected severely to the point that he flew out of the cage and landed in a pot of boiling soup.

When she tells this story, she laughs as if, ha ha, look how this bird died because of my incompetence.
BUT, I also think she hated losing that bird because she was attached to it and feels guilty that she didn't take care of it like she should have.

Hilltop: So sorry to hear that your family dog was put down just because your parents were afraid of being sued. Sounds so, so cruel.

notrightinthehead: I am sure your border collie was loved. They are such lovable and special creatures.

miffyxo: Yes, I know that the animal authorities might investigate the 'case' if I report it but I'm not sure they will mobilize themselves into doing something. (the law says I need solid proof of abuse) All I want is for this BC to escape my family. I can find him a new family fast but I just need him to get away and legally.

The cat being kept in the garage-yeah, this sounds like neglect to me. Cats need socialisation and warmth. They can't live in garages. I hope your cat will be ok or maybe she/he can escape that garage and end up in a shelter. I believe it is way better for animals to be in a shelter than in a house with PD people.

My FOO's BC has sooo many health issues because of them (digestive issues, skin problems, even his teeth are crooked and in bad shape), on top of this is the fact that he never does any exercise (which is unheard of in BC communities, we all know that border collies are very active and can run for miles) and is neglected (no attention given, no affection, not enough good-quality food). So I think he's better off in a shelter.

Yes, I agree with you here, many PDs have to abuse their pets for some reason. It is quite common.

mary_poppins · July 27, 2023, 12:12:54 PM

@notrightinthehead: thanks for that question, I'll think about it.

moglow · July 27, 2023, 03:14:52 PM

Can you talk them into letting you have him, then possibly approach a border collie rescue to help find a home for him? The problem is, if he goes into a regular shelter it's not necessarily "better" - he'd be considered an owner surrender. Many shelters are overloaded and they have to evaluate every intake more closely. Animals that are ill, need surgery, misbehaved, neglected, etc sometimes require resources the shelter may not have. They may have neither money nor fosters needed to rehabilitate him where they can find him a new home.

You may have to find acceptance with this being one of those things you can do nothing about other than reporting it and let the chips fall where they may. Without proof of abuse or neglect, animal control may be able to do nothing.