New and desperate for help

[VirtualGuardian7]

Hi, I'm new to forum sites like these. I mean, I've used some before but not for personal reasons haha.

I'm seeking advice on a situation that happens to repeat over and over again; I've lately felt like every day is scripted. I have an older sibling (25), who I not only share a roof with suspect may have NPD. I only started suspecting so when I noticed they're running on a script, like a performer on a stage. I took note of their patterns, compared them to one another. Their patterns always had the same beginning: someone (let's nickname the person in this scenario Sam) confronts my sibling about their unhealthy habits, they starts playing the role of victim, even going as far as to purposefully irritate Sam enough to make her start screaming, and when she tries to set a boundary they accuse her of verbally abusing them.

Just this morning, the script was played out the same exact way. Someone I know confronted them about how they was disturbing her sleep by leaving the AC on full blast. Instead of talking it out, my sibling barged into their room with no regards to their privacy and threatened to toss the AC out when they never even paid for it, the person that made the request in the first place provided it for her.

I've also noticed that this sibling constantly projects their insecurities and paranoia on me, especially when I'm not involving myself in their life. I only noticed this because the person I mentioned from this morning is stuck in a hot seat where my sibling is pushing her to believe that I am violent, when they're the one that keeps coming up with new scripts.

I am posting this as I not only witness this firsthand, but I've also been part of their "script" playing the same role: the villain. So I'm seeking advice on whether I can do anything about this nasty playwright of sibling and I'm wondering if this behavior is typical for people in their 20s.

P.S.: I have just reached the beginning of young adulthood, if that helps.

[xredshoesx]

welcome virtualguardian7,

i'm sorry for what you are experiencing with your sibling- it's extremely hard to be in a relationship that may be abusive with a family member because being around them may be a forced choice-

this may be the board that matches best with your situation
Dealing with PD In-Laws

my best advice is figuring out what kind of treatment is your line in the sand with this person and then find ways to work boundaries in the home when you are forced to be together and are in conflict.  a boundary can be something as simple as ending the conversation and walking away or it can be more complex like going completely no contact-  you can read more about boundaries here https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/boundaries

hope to hear more from you soon

[AppleTree]

Welcome VirtualGuardian7

Deep sympathy with the circular nature of the interactions. This is deeply frustrating and remarkably common.

The thing I have found hardest about dealing with that kind of situation is accepting that I cannot change the other person. All I can do is develop ways of dealing with them, up to and including walking away.

I find this....

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/phrases-to-disarm-a-narcissist/

very useful. I make sure I know the various phrases and if I have to use one I will use it three times, calmly and politely. If that makes no difference, does not enable sensible dialogue,  I am totally silent. If the other will not stop, I leave the room or even the house. My therapist calls it "the broken record" technique - just calmly repeat the same response and behaviour every time.

It's tough to do but you have to set boundaries. And it might eventually penetrate their consciousness that their behaviour is achieving nothing because you just will not be provoked.

Hang in there!