Custody

[DCF1952]

I would love to leave my spouse. He is angry, childish, spiteful, selfish, hateful, and bitter. He has an extremely short fuse with our children (toddlers, both with autism). With our children, his expectations are unreasonably high, calls them names, is patronizing and demeaning, curses at them and badgers them. He can't or won't acknowledge that they do not have the same ability to understand safety.
I know that he will perceive pursing custody as a competition and something that he must "win." He has already said things like "they are my children, too" or accused me of trying to keep them from him.

I don't know what to do. Maybe some reassurance?

[notrightinthehead]

If you think you might wish to separate in the future and expect to have a battle for custody, you might consider documenting his behavior with the kids. Facts only. No interpretation of his interactions. Even better if you get witnesses of his abusive behaviour towards the kids. If it's allowed in your country you might want to record or even film him when he has a go at them. Keep all of your records safe, password protected. You might discard them later or never use them, but it's better to be prepared.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Take your journey, whatever it is, one step at a time.

My exPD used to say many of the same threats.  There are just words.

The process of changing your life can seem overwhelming. Even if it's making changes but staying in the marriage.

Perhaps focus on what you'd like to do in the next few weeks?  Simple steps.

[escapingman]

DCF,

I documented and recorded incidents for 2 years before finally going to a divorce lawyer. My uNPDxw threatened to report fake incidents to the police and make sure I never saw the kids again, I was terrified. During these 2 years I tried to manage what outcome I wanted and as I couldn't control it I kept on delaying it. In the end I was so exhausted and worn out I just had to do it and left the destiny in the hands of my solicitors and then just took the ride.

However, don't expect the courts to side with you even if you have evidence. I expect your spouse will manipulate whoever he comes in contact with and pretend to the nicest person they ever met. You are saying spouse, does that mean you are not married? If so I congratulate you as there is one less battle to fight.

Good luck!

[DCF1952]

Thank you all so much for the supportive comments. He left one of our toddlers alone in the bath tub recently. It was only long enough to come down stairs to get something, but he acted as if I was out of my mind which leads me to believe that he would have left the child alone for longer periods of time. Situations like that, I don't know if he is just obtuse or if this was an intentional behavior.