Does it help thinking of your partner as a child or adolescent?

[Inbetweenthisandthat]

Does it help thinking of your partner as a child or adolescent?

Does it help thinking of your partner as a child or adolescent and you as their parent?

I know this is over simplified but thinking of my partner as a child or adolescent and them viewing me as their parent, for me it does help understand the chaos and confusion.

We have displayed the traits they have but when we were children.

We are dealing with adults who have not fully developed past their formative years.

We are expecting them to be adults and think as adults. They can't.

[moglow]

A therapist specifically described my mother by "put her face on a toddler body, that's what you're dealing with. Understand she's limited and may never move past that point ..." That was years ago and mother hasn't grown up, accepted any responsibility for herself, blames and points fingers and throws tantrums like a little kid in her 80s. Then suddenly she's all better and doesn't understand why everyone is upset still. No apology, no explanation or remorse of any kind.

Does it help? Sort of - I can see the limitations more clearly and understand that it's not any of my stuff to fix for her. She just got denied the toy or candy the child wanted, she'll move past it until the next time. It does make it hard to separate the two though, to not address her as a child. She's insulting enough without that kind of encouragement.

[Poison Ivy]

"We are expecting them to be adults and think as adults. They can't."

I stopped using "can't" to describe the behavior and thoughts of certain family members. Instead, I use "won't" or "don't." 

[Cascade]

I'm not sure about viewing them as a child but it helps me when I remind myself my husband can't help some of the things he does.  It's like an itch he just has to scratch. I can remember one day back when my my kids were in their early teens that I came to the surprising conclusion that they were all more mature than him.

[SeaBreeze]

I have often thought stbx acts like a moody  teen. While it did help me navigate his moods better, it also left me all the more frustrated that I even had to navigate it.

[DCF1952]

In a way... but when that happens I end up picturing him as a male version of veruca salt.

[SonofThunder]

"We are expecting them to be adults and think as adults. They can't."

I stopped using "can't" to describe the behavior and thoughts of certain family members. Instead, I use "won't" or "don't." 

   +1

Both of my PD's self-control well and operate as adults around certain people in their own friendship circles. If my PD's can do this with only one person, then its capable, therefore as Poison Ivy stated, its "won't" or "don't". 

SoT