Never ready and always last

[Prototypian]

Oan a guided trip over the holidays with family.   uOCPDW has a strange behavior at every stop.  She is always the very solitary minutes late person out of the van at every stop.   It's a hiking tour so many stops are "pile out, adjust your pack straps and take off".   It's strange but she is NEVER ready.  There is always an issue with sunscreen or pack strap or shoelace.  I have to say everyone has their problems.  That's not the question.  She is just always the last off the van and is always 3-5 min behind after everyone has left.   

I used to think it was lack of preparation but I am beginning to think it's a way to gain control back from the unknown.   When the guide and team take off down a trail her biggest concern, guide or not, is "is this the right place" or "are we allowed here".  I seriously think she is trying to overcome that fear by ensuring that the way is cleared and she can see that they have all left and no rules have been broken so now she feels ok.

As an aside we are in a place where there is another country in very close proximity to the hikes and I can tell the fear she has of the potential to break the rule of crossing over without a border patrol check.   That's only part of the problem.   

I seriously think the brakes she slams on with the "problems" are ways to prevent losing control by just heading down the trail when all of the signs, rules and regulations are not yet understood.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Yeah.  In my experience (growing up with an OCPD parent), there were always bizarre behaviors and demands with nonsensical explanations that no one could fathom.  I probably had the best inside look, since I was the child picked to be their caretaker. 

It seemed to me to be 99% fear driven - fear of not being in total control. Fear of the possibility of things happening that were scary or horrifying to them but would seem utterly preposterous to anyone else.  So the real reasons would never be mentioned.  Even though they believed they were right and everyone else wrong,  they knew no one would go along with their thinking.  So elaborate excuses and stories would be manufactured to cover up what was really going on, excuses that would be harder for others to argue with even though they didn't make sense.

I found, living for years with this, it was hard (and sometimes still is) to get a handle on how okay or not okay things actually were.  Things that just seemed strange or off to me were, to others, clear mental illness.  It kind of left me with a perpetual question:  "Does this seem weird to anyone else?" ... especially as more and more things came into view as possible problems which I'd never seen that way before.   I seemed to always be concerned that I was making too much of something when, really, I was so accustomed to it I couldn't grasp how bad it actually was.

I hope your trip was enjoyable in spite of it all, Jsinjin!

[walking on broken glass]

It looks like your trip was not stress-free and I am sorry for that. Trying to understand what causes the PD's behaviour might be helpful but you have to take care not to lose youself in that effort. It is oh so easy to fall down the rabbit hole. Take care xx