How do you find your voice again

[dealzz15]

Hi, I'm new to this forum but so happy I found it. I grew up with a self righteous narcissistic father and have so much difficulty now voicing my thoughts and tend to just remain silent when I'm with a group of people. I want to be able to participate and say everything that I think but I can't. There's an unwavering anxiety that always overpowers my ability to speak or my confidence in what I think.

I spent a lot of work trying to improve my inner voice because for so long it was repressed by what my father thought and wanted and I was forced to repeatedly ignore it then my sophomore year at college I just couldn't trust myself and it felt like my body was just tweaking at everything. Since then (I'm a junior rn) I've been able to challenge the negative beliefs that I internalized and started journaling positive affirmations in I statements and it made a huge difference. I've been able to give myself reinsurance while also mitigating the internalization where I'm barely thinking negative thoughts towards myself.

I still really do want to talk and participate more but the anxiety is just too much for me to handle. Even with my friends in college I feel like only when I feel comfortable I'm able to be the real me but I can see how me being silent and not sharing my thoughts and feelings is affecting my friendships and it kills me that I can't explain anything that is going on or open up. I just have this fear that I'm going to be attack for everything that I'm going to say or do and that I should just stay silent and I dont know what to do.

[LemonLime]

Welcome! I'm so glad you're here.
I'm very happy that you have such wonderful insight at such a young age.  It sounds like you're making progress in becoming the "real you", complete with a full range of emotions and ability to express them.  To me this sounds like something a good therapist could help you with.  In fact, I think this kind of issue is what most therapists deal with a lot.  I believe this kind of work will pay off in spades for you, for the rest of your life.
I'm in my 50's and have only recently "found my voice".   It's tragic, I think, to be this old when I'm finally able to really speak.  In fact, it's my biggest regret as I age....that I didn't find a therapist in my 20's who was able to help me be "me".  I did get some therapy in my 20s but the T didn't seem to understand what my distress was about, and I didn't know either.   My issues came up as difficulty with forming romantic relationships.  There was real distress, but the therapists didn't ever get to the root issue.....that my family of origin had discouraged any real feelings or expression of feelings, and that I had avoidant parents and an uPD sibling.   There was no room for my voice at home when I was a child.  It was tricky because I had an otherwise good childhood... but oh, if I could only go back and get those lost decades back.  I applaud you for doing the work and taking your life back.  You'll be happy you did.  Good luck and please keep us updated!

[sunshine702]

Jerry Wise a therapist on You Tube calls this "getting your parents out of YOU". Challenging that critical voice in your head that pops up.  It's hard by super meaningful work.  Good job!!

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Welcome Dealz. This is a good question, and I think you have great replies here. One perspective I think I can offer is that I believe finding your voice is more about assertiveness and not aggression.

I think when we grow up with these dynamics, we experience a lot of aggression and can tend to think we have to be that way or that it is the 'best or normal way' to relate to others to get our point across. I think finding our voice is about calmly advocating for what feels right to you in any given situation. It is not about steamrolling over other people. It is about communicating your boundaries and living them. You do not need to argue, raise your voice, or condemn others when finding your voice. I think it is also about knowing when to walk away from something that is not working for you.
     
I think it is also OK to start small. For many of us, we are new to the aspect of using our voice to our benefit. Try a few things, see how it feels and continue on. You are at a great point in life to have such awareness and doors will open for you as you continue on this journey.

[keepmoving]

There's an unwavering anxiety that always overpowers my ability to speak or my confidence in what I think.

dealzz I can definitely relate to this, especially when I was in college, it's like I was paralyzed.
Sometimes having something tactile in my hand or having something that I could smell that smelled good with me would bring me back into my body and into the present. A way of taking me out of that paralyzed state.

I can't explain anything that is going on or open up. I just have this fear that I'm going to be attack for everything that I'm going to say or do and that I should just stay silent and I dont know what to do.

I relate to this also, it's like we are back in front of that parent, expecting and knowing what they are capable of. Of course we would react this way, knowing what will happen next. It's ingrained in us, and it is hardwork having to unlearn years of the lessons they taught us.
EMDR was helpful for me dealing with certain beliefs/events, especially ones that caused bodily reactions. I know not all therapists do this type of treatment but just another idea for your consideration.

The positive affirmations journal is such a good idea, I will occasionally say affirmations but never consistently, I imagine having a dedicated practice would have great longterm benefits. I commend you for your dedication to the hardwork!