Rude of me or Nah?

[moglow]

Niece comes to me a few days ago with, "I just got a birthday text from your mother. Does she truly not know when my birthday is or is she being an ass about something??" Every year, md sends this granddaughter a text two days after, so I can only assume there's a hard blip in her time-space continuum that got stuck.

Is there any way to politely send md a text: She would never say anything to you about it, but #1 granddaughter's birthday is Jan 14th. Not the 16th.

Would that be rude? Disrespectful? I don't want that. Just - the persistence of the wrong date feels rude in itself. I guarantee if niece sent HER birthday greeting on the wrong date every year, something would be said. Maybe it's the thought that counts?

[notrightinthehead]

Mo, I would not get involved. In your position, not your circus, not your monkeys.

You could recommend to your niece to write something like- Thank you for the good wishes. My birthday is actually on the 14th. But I appreciate the thought.

[moglow]

Yeah you're right. It just grinds. There's no gentle way to bring it to her attention. I'd sure like to.

[Cat of the Canals]

It's not rude or disrespectful, and if she were a non, I think it'd be fine to say, "Hey mom, you know [niece's] bday is the 14th, right?"

But she's not a non, and I think the biggest risk here is that she might take offense and blame your niece.

[moglow]

She certainly gets offended and blames others for less, on the regular. The woman's not seen any of her grands since high school - they're now all late 20s and 30s. It's not like her displeasure carries much weight at this point. 

Still, I'll admit it was a stupid idea. Much less taxing to leave her in that fantasy she's living. 

[Srcyu]

I would ask md a question:
'Why do you always send _ _ _ birthday wishes on the 16th?'

That should get the message across.

[bloomie]

Moglow - first, not a stupid idea at all. You are a kind and mannerly person who would want to know yourself so as not to keep making a blunder. Makes perfect sense to think to contact your mom discreetly would be an instinct.

The woman's not seen any of her grands since high school - they're now all late 20s and 30s.

This... says it all right here. How is that even possible!!!!

I have a family member who is so similar - sends bday ecards (don't get me started on the ecards  ) on the regular to my adult children she has zero contact with and has shown zero interest in, which they ignore, and declares herself thoughtful and offering kindnesses to them...

Niece could respond if she cares to..."thank you, and a great time celebrating with Auntie Moglow on my actual day the 16th..."  Okay, now I'm just being snarky!!!

[moglow]

I appreciate the snark, particularly from you Bloomie! Md has never been part of her life, but niece has seen and heard how we're treated. She's staying with polite distance - I'm kind of impressed actually, they're all respectful and refuse to dish it back. Me? Not so much. During bro #3 visit a few years ago he made a point to tell md that we'd all had lunch and dinner together, what "we're" doing later etc. Making it clear he and his family weren't shut out and crying in their beer over her. He was very hurt but didn't let her know. It was just another brick in that wall for him. Just a dab of snark when she deserved that and more.

But bro #2 brought it up yesterday - i told him that mother prob lost track of days and texts when she remembers. Oh no. She argued that she knows it's the 16th and HE's wrong ... Because reasons. And her reasons were jumbled and chaotic, bore little resemblance to reality. He said to brace myself, she wants to argue it. No need to brace, I'll just have to laugh. 

Maybe I should just start texting her two days after her birthday ... Snark.

[bloomie]

No need to brace, I'll just have to laugh. 

Standing on my chair cheering you on!!! May be my new quote: "No need to brace!!"