New Here!

[horsebarncat]

I am here because I recently discovered that my husband of three years suffers from multigenerational uBPD. With my background of childhood trauma, it has been hard to navigate this complex (and abusive) relationship on my own. It has especially been isolating because I don't have a strong support system. It's hard to keep strong external connections when my husband's mood projects what my day/week will look like. I believe that marriage is forever, but at times it is difficult to overcome the temptation of divorce, especially since I am young with so much potential for good or for bad. It's hard for me to see my marriage being the path to happiness, but I am hopeful (and part of me is not) that things will change with counseling, learning to stay grounded, and practicing appropriate actions. (because let's be real, I can only control my emotions and action). I am open to reading any words of wisdom, experiences, and/or recommended resources. Thank you! 

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome!
There is a lot of literature you might find helpful and you could start at the Toolbox.

The book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist " by Fjelstad is also very helpful.

I agree with you, you can only work on yourself and your own behavior, so focus on good self care.

See you around on the boards.

[bloomie]

horsebarncat - adding another warm welcome to you. I am glad you found this community! Living with a partner whose behaviors and patterns of interacting are isolating and harming us is incredibly difficult.

We come here to find insights, support, and opportunity to begin to shift our focus to our own healing and growth. As you so wisely said, we can only change, control, and cure ourselves.

There are great book and online recommendations from other members that are helpful when we find we chose a life partner whose behaviors are disordered.

Other Media Resources
Book Reviews

For me, healing is slowly taking place as I have found a therapist who is knowledgeable about personality disorders and who has the goal of empowering me, books and vids, a wise mentor, the wisdom and support of this community, and my spiritual practice.

You have taken an important step. Keep coming back and sharing as you are able.