At a loss . . .

[Adria]

My husband has unexpectedly come down with pulmonary embolism. Now finding a large mass in his lungs.  He has never been sick a day in his life in the thirty years I've been married to him.  Doesn't look good. 

I contacted his daughter because they haven't spoken in years due to daughter's lack of understanding things from the past and her unwillingness to try.  Since, I have been estranged from my narc family for 30 years and realizing the pain it has brought me forever, I reached out to dh's daughter to try and bridge a gap before everything spirals out of control.  I told her we loved her and said so many nice things to her, told her I understood some of the things she was feeling and said it would be good to have a conversation with her father so she can get some healing, etc., etc. 

Dh put the phone on speaker when they talked, and it turns out she trashed me for calling her and made out everything I said to be something uncaring and ugly.  I was totally floored and hurt.  I wish I didn't call her, except that despite her disregard for us and our feelings, and she would never admit it, I'm sure she got some closure and healing as dh was very kind to her as well.  I have big shoulders, so I am glad she got to speak with her father during this critical time.

I'm sad that I can't call my family and talk to someone as I fear I could lose my husband.  Dh's family is so awful! When I try to call any of them to talk to them about what is happening, they won't pick up the phone. (I have always been kind and respectful to them, never getting anything decent in return.

I'm not sure how to handle this with them.  I did get through to his mother, and basically she blamed me for using natural healing throughout the years which I am well schooled in. And threw that in my face as it being the cause of dh's illness. I was crushed that she would even think something like that. I understand what he is dealing with now is well out of my league and have driven him to the best hospitals near and far to get him the help he needs.

I had a good relationship with dh's son, so called him and he was cold as ice.  I think dh's daughter must have said some ugly things to him as well. 

I wish I didn't have to deal with these people and sometimes think of just not telling them anything, but how do you do that when things are so serious now. 

I've always taken the high road as I have to be able to sleep at night knowing I tried my best.  It's so hard to believe how cold, selfish and uncaring these people can be even at a time like this.

I know how it feels to not be told of the passing of my mother. I know how it feels to find out my father is on his deathbed by an outsider.  I didn't want that kind of pain for dh's children, so I tried. But, it never, ever, ever seems to matter.  

[notrightinthehead]

I am so sorry Adria! 
We are here to listen.

[Defiantdaughter1]

I'm sorry about your husband. I don't think a pulmonary embolism is brought on my natural treatments. I prefer all natural treatments myself, except there have been a few times when I had to have antibiotics. My mother thought I needed them for every illness, so that is why they rarely help. I'm a good listener, even if I can't offer any advice.

[Adria]

Thank you both for your kind words.  Felt like I've had nowhere to turn. I know I can always count on you here for support.  You are the truly the best. Hugs, Adria

[Poison Ivy]

I'll share with you something I've heard a few times recently: It's never wrong to do the right thing. You did the right thing by contacting members of your DH's family to let them know what's going on. Their responses are out of your control. I hope for a good medical outcome for your DH, although I know that might not be in the cards.

[Adria]

Thank you Poison Ivy.  You are right~!

[SonofThunder]

I'll share with you something I've heard a few times recently: It's never wrong to do the right thing. You did the right thing by contacting members of your DH's family to let them know what's going on. Their responses are out of your control. I hope for a good medical outcome for your DH, although I know that might not be in the cards.

So very sorry to read about your husband Adria!  I will be in prayerful thought for both of you.

SoT

[moglow]

Hey Adria - I'm so sorry to see this. I know it has to be a hard struggle for you, plus their responses/lack of same making it worse than it needs to be.

Never doubt that you did the right thing. For some people though there's never "right" when it comes to others and they'll take the low road come what may. They have a need to lash out and place blame regardless of the circumstances and sounds like that's what his mother did, much like mine would have if she cared enough to respond at all. That's outside your bailiwick and they get to live with it.

You? You have us. And we understand how hard this has to be. We're here with you, my friend.

[Adria]

Thank you SonofThunder and Moglow. It's so great knowing I can come home at the end of the day to my kind/supportive friends here.  I don't know what I'd do without you. Hugs, Adria.

[Sneezy]

I'll share with you something I've heard a few times recently: It's never wrong to do the right thing.

You did the right thing, Adria - when they went low, you went high.  You gave grace and the benefit of the doubt to someone who punched you in the gut in return.  And it hurts.  But you can look yourself in the mirror.  Your husband is blessed to have you and I hope that everything works out for his health.  Hugs to you!

[Adria]

Thank you. Sneezy, for the encouraging words. I really do appreciate them more than you know. Hugs, Adria

[Boat Babe]

Heartfelt hugs to you Adria. We are here for you.

[Adria]

Thank you Boat Babe. Good to know.  Hugs, Adria