Losing hold of reality

[Sector]

Ah yes that makes complete sense.  I always realize his perception of me is not who I actually am...which is good. The newer realization is that regardless of how I act, I can't change how he sees me in those moments. What catches me up is when I think we have finally turned a corner and things are going the right way and then am acutely reminded I can't ever trust that feeling.  It is heartbreaking.  And I keep letting myself get back to the point where I start to trust and let myself be vulnerable.  And that's when the 💩 hits the fan.  In the end I guess it's always about being lax with boundaries isn't it?

[DCF1952]

Sector,
Thank you so much for the statement: his perception of me is not who I actually am.

I had no idea how much I needed to see that. I am simultaneously feeling relief and heartbreak.

[Sector]

DCF so glad that hit home for you.  I guess I have a super strong sense of self and usually don't get tangled up in starting to blur his perceptions with my reality.  For me, what's so hard is being faced with the truth that he can perceive me in such a horrible and false light  even if I know what he sees isn't actually me.  And also I have a really hard time in general handling anyone misrepresenting me, so you can imagine how much I enjoy tolerating that from the person who is supposed to know me best and support me 🤦�♀️

[TurnThePage]

That IS the most heartbreaking thing of all...... The One Person who is supposed to know you the best, support you, be on your side no matter what....can think such horrible and false things about you 



 

[Sector]

Yes! Exactly! Tragic. 💔