Handy replies to other people

[Breadroll]

I struggled a lot - and was triggered considerably - by I sensitive and " fake nice" social comments for quite a few years after leaving npdh. Society can be very unkind to older " spare" women.

 It still catches me out sometimes - but some " stock replies " help.

Do you all have some these too?

I was often asked if I would now return to my home state - bearing in mind I have lived here for thirty years, and no longer have a home to go to!   Best answer " no, why do you do ask? Are you thinking of moving to your home state?"

And the classic " you should look after yourself"

best answer " that's so kind of you to say that "   Or if it's particularly annoying " you should look after your husband"

I like to think that a pithy reply can be sweet and yet uncomfortable - suggestions welcome.

[bloomie]

Breadroll - I am one who can always use a good response to have in my back pocket when faced with intrusive comments or inappropriate questions because my usual response is freeze. Often times it is easy to be locked into a certain cultural 'norm' that disempowers us.

Finding a neutral, honest response or no response is best for me. I also like the idea of using the question you advise above: "Why do you ask?"

[Breadroll]

That's a good one !

I still have trouble - very rare now- if I come across someone who asks about how xnpdh is? It triggers deep alarm feeling and leaves me stumbling, too much truth coming out @ eg no contact - which they do not need to know.
I would like a reply that stops the conversation but isn't antagonistic

[moglow]

Odd question for people to keep asking - I'd think a smiling "we don't keep in touch,"  should suffice. I mean, he's your ex, that's kind of the point. I wouldn't think many keep in touch with exes, unless there are children. 

[bloomie]

Odd question for people to keep asking - I'd think a smiling "we don't keep in touch,"  should suffice. I mean, he's your ex, that's kind of the point. I wouldn't think many keep in touch with exes, unless there are children.

I have used this when asked about a sibling I don't keep in touch with. 

A helpful resource I have found recently that may offer more suggestions are the shorts on YouTube by Jefferson Fisher found here: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=jefferson+fisher

I have found he addresses many of the socially/relationally tricky encounters we have and his suggestions for ways to respond, or not respond, are helpful to me and others I know.

[Breadroll]

Thanks for link and suggestion..

It's rare that I come into with  people that ask these days, but probably reflects the successful public image of xnpdh, the nature of small communities -as well as my internal alarm.