Worth Negotiating?

[Danie]

Yes I'm worried. He is getting a Right of First Refusal from his attorney. That is supposedly so he can have first rights to buy it when we sell it. I think he is going to add some other things to it because he said, "it's a good time to sign it into your will".

Also, when we came up with a purchase price we added $20,000.00 because H said "I love my brother". I tried to explain to BIL about the extra $ we added and he got mad at me.

My therapist is supporting me saying "you don't have to sign anything".

When I as H what is going into BIL's ROFR he doesn't know and won't ask him.

I think I should be worried, don't you?

[Danie]

I am going to be extremely careful about what I sign this time! I don't have to sign anything; I don't know if the sale is contingent on signing either. Inlaws family - from what I've seen or know not the best parenting of the 5 kids, sadly. H and BIL are pretty much the remaining members except for an estranged sister that BIL was extremely cruel to and actually warned me about BIL. My therapist thinks my H may have a TBI. I think this is possible. A smart man but has some memory issues and I think now, some cognitive issues as far as logic, feelings and rationalizing. I guess I will have to deal with this after the fact.

[bloomie]

Danie - yikes! That is a lot to think through as you get ready to sell and possibly sign legally binding documents. I can certainly see why you are concerned.

It sounds like the bond between the brothers is rooted in childhood dysfunction at the very least. There seems to be a kind of wall of lack of awareness on your H's part you are trying to penetrate with truth and appropriate self protective behaviors and logic.

Would it be possible to go the extra step of having your legal advisor review of any documents before signing as an advocate for you all to relieve some of the pressure you are feeling? 

[Danie]

Yes the brothers have childhood issues according to my therapist. We bought it and I'm so relieved. I don't think I would've gotten here without this forum's help and my therapist.
We negotiated back and forth several times. Brothers were trying to out-do each other. Sad! BIL wanted us to sign a legal document saying they had the First Right of Refusal and that we would sell it back for a 25% discount. Well, I guess that sums it up - entitlement. It has been a couple weeks now and we have no doubt it was the right thing to do and should have done it sooner. We absolutely didn't sign that and we actually did overpay just to get it done.
Now I feel it really affected my marriage, but we will see how I feel going forward. 

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations! (I hope). Do you have a contingency plan for how you react when Bil's entitlement shows up at the cabin's door? You could follow your sil's lead and not talk to him. What are you going to do when he weasels his way in again and your husband lets him? In my experience these people are like a bad smell that keeps on hanging around. Of course he probably will also bad mouth you in his village and let others know how you have taken away what is rightly his. Is your therapist on stand-by to help you through this?

[bloomie]

Danie - what a relief to have this chapter closed and to be able to enjoy this place with your husband. Well done!

[Danie]

My husband is actually sticking up for me more! Yes, BIL has already tried to weasel his way back in. A text thread was circulating amongst the other owners about a plan to work on the boat-house last weekend. Well BIL is still on the thread and said, "I can't be there, but I will be there in 3 weeks when the docks go in". I'm not totally surprised. My husband texted him later and said we really didn't want him going right now and BIL responded, "you have to understand I have a lot of friends there". I guess he plans on crashing at someone else's place. They will get tired of him. He also claims he never wanted to sell it and that we kind of forced him into it.
You can never win with him and he has to get the last word. They did clean out their stuff pretty good and we have purchased new nice stuff and have cleaned and upgraded some things too. The rest of the people there are pretty nice. There's some successful and intelligent men and women that we hope to hang out with.