Offering the children up to the Narc

[sunshine702]

I have a real anger spot in the Narcissist triangulation that my Mom did to us and continues to do with the grandkids.

 She triangulated and put us into roles no matter WHAT we did.  I have a story where Golden Child brother and I truth teller BOTH broke a lampshade TOGETHER.  My mom openly punished me and not him and admitted it openly that only I was bad.

So when I see my brother or my ex sister in law offer the kids up to the Narc on a silver platter for triangulation abuse it upsets me greatly.  It is why I NEVER had children and choose dogs instead. Something she could not control and manipulate.

It is a real sore spot for myself.  Need you guys to weigh in though. 

I am seeing this play out in so many interactions.

[Defiantdaughter1]

I'm struggling with intrusive thoughts and triggers very similar to the event you described. Things that happened 30-40 years ago still anger me. I don't know why it still matters. It doesn't matter anymore, but I can't stop the memories randomly popping into my head. It's tormenting me. I stay busy enough, so I don't know why I think about the past.

[SeaBreeze]

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. Triangulation, particularly with innocent children, is personally to me one of the most disgusting PD tactics. Heck, my late uNPD mother tried to triangulate my kids AND my dogs! She was always so surprised that I always intervened and never let her treat my kids the way she treated me.

Ex-in-laws (who I've often compared to your in-laws) have extended triangulation from their kids to the grands. My own adult children have come to understand why I removed them from that whole trainwreck and have chosen as adults to stay out of the drama themselves. Leading my DD to be scapegoated, to which DD honestly could care less. Meanwhile, one of my kid's cousins grew up to be version 2.0 of ex-MIL only much more publicly, much to the entire family's embarrassment. Other cousins are now distancing themselves from the chaos, a few of them turning to my scapegoated DD for advice and support now that they're escaping the cult. Hmm, go figure!

In short, when the adults won't be adults, the kids are tragically and unfortunately drawn into the same dysfunction. You can only hope in your own family that some of the new generation will get a clue. I suggest modeling by example as the proud black sheep who escaped the insanity!