Telling Health Stuff

[HowDidIGetHere]

How much do you all tell your partners about health stuff?

My wife knows that I see (not sure if she knows if I still do) a therapist (for anxiety, depression, and support regarding stuff my wife does).

Just had an appointment with a psychiatrist who prescribed some meds to help. Wife doesn't know I had the appointment, and I'm hesitant to tell her about the meds.

She may be supportive and she may not be. I worry that she won't be. Or that she'll take it as a personal insult. Or use it as "see you're the 'crazy' one.

At the same time it seems wrong not to tell her. I *should* be comfortable telling her. And I know she'll be upset if she finds out that I didn't tell her.

What do you all think?

[SonofThunder]

Hi HowDidIGetHere,

You wrote:

"She may be supportive and she may not be. I worry that she won't be. Or that she'll take it as a personal insult. Or use it as "see you're the 'crazy' one."

Do you need her support in order to see a psychiatrist, taking proper care of your physical/mental health with a professional and any necessary meds?  It's your body and mind.

https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/boundaries

Her opinion of you is only her opinion; not truth unless her opinion is actually true.

I believe a spouse should be aware of what prescription medicines we take in the event of a medical situation (since both of you may reside together). I believe the same is wise for you to know what prescription meds she takes as well.

SoT

[Cascade]

If it were me, I'd mention that my doctor suggested I try a new medication and that I was going to try it. I wouldn't mention which doctor it was, if possible.

[bloomie]

HowDidIGetHere - I have thoughts that may be a bit controversial, but I don't think we are obligated to share our personal medical information with anyone, other than our medical team. Especially someone who would potentially use that information against us.

While it is true it would naturally be something we would freely share with a partner, anything that would interfere or derail you getting the help and support you need might be best avoided until you know how this is working for you and if you are going to continue with it.

Most smart phones have the ability to set up emergency contacts and a medical ID that would have any pertinent information such as allergies, medications, etc., that can be accessed if needed. Very simple to set up for peace of mind should something unforeseen happen.

Medical treatment, conditions, procedures, chronic type illnesses, psychiatric type of therapy, diagnosis or meds can be weaponized by unhealthy family members I have experienced.

Use caution and continue taking good care of yourself!

[Poison Ivy]

I stopped sharing health and medical-care information with my then husband long before our divorce, and I don't share such information with family members or friends unless something is very serious or potentially very serious.

[HowDidIGetHere]

I ended up telling my wife. She probably would have found out at some point, and it would have been much worse if she found out without me telling her.

Overall, it wasn't too bad. Could have been a bit better, but could have been way worse.

I told her I was prescribed some meds, she asked which, and I told her that two meds. She said "oh, that's two things. Is that safe??"

She then asked if I knew what the side effects were. I told her yes, and then she was upset that I didn't tell her what the side effects were.

I think she was upset because she didn't know that meds were even on the table. I play pretty close to the vest with mental health stuff because she hasn't been too supportive in the past.

But there was no display of concern for how I'm feeling at all. But I expected that. So, oh well.

[bloomie]

HowDidIGetHere - what a good balance you found in how you share with this. Well done!

I hope these changes bring some good relief to the symptoms you have been grappling with!