Popped the fantasy

[sunshine702]

I popped the fantasy bubble of Golden Grandchild H to my Narc mom.  With everything I am going through I just couldn't play along that it is ONLY H's boyfriend that is on drugs.  I just kept correcting  my mom's  sentences about the boyfriend and drugs with "THEY" are on drugs no mom that THEY are on drugs —until the thought finally registered in her brain.  I figured it out a decade and a half ago that my mom SEES herself as H so this is quite the cognitive dissonance.

I have just had enough of the rug sweeping enabling. 

I know the experts say you aren't supposed to do that but I don't care.  I did.  I will no longer tolerate fantasy bs

I am long past caring to be ok with her.

[nanotech]

Yes
I think it's when they want to have their magical thinking reflected back to them by us. Then they can feel validated. That's a sign too that deep down they know they are fooling themselves.
Yep -

Just don't expect us to join in.

We can't do that, as we are Out of the FOG and we're not going back.

They can spout that false self talk all they like, but please don't ask us to agree when we don't. When it's obviously not true, we're going to point that out.

Good for you though, as it's never easy. It can be tempting to go along with their skewed narrative.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I also got tired of the rug sweeping enabling and felt it was one of the most challenging aspects of remining in any level of contact with my FOO.
   
I read so much about not responding, using gray rock, not showing any emotion, etc. However, sometimes I would get to the point where listening to their dialog seemed like I was living in an altered-reality universe. I was always using a huge level of restraint to not show the facts to them, give evidence of how what they were saying was not accurate and re-direct the conversation.

I would find it a huge relief to say what I had been holding back, but ultimately found it to be of no use. My FOO always just resumed their prior course. I guess they just reconstructed their 'fantasy' and were undeterred by me.

[footprint33]

As a teenager, my GC brother got arrested multiple times, did lots of drugs, etc. NPD parents paid lawyers to get him off charges multiple times. NPD mom blamed everyone else, it was never GC bro's fault. He then had a felony his first year in college but NPD parents again paid lawyers to clean his record. Fast forward to his adult years and he cheated on his wife with one of the wife's friends for 5 years when their 3 kids were little. The divorce was a bad one and one of his kids doesn't talk to him. The two other kids are also dealing with issues. But NPD parents, and especially NPD mom, blame the wife and everyone else, never GC bro. No matter what, it is never GC bro's fault.

In the meantime, I was the dutiful daughter SG, bent over backwards for them all and NPD parents smeared me from a very young age to make me out to be "the bad apple" in the family.

These NPD parents create a reality that doesn't exist and try to make the world believe that it is the true reality, regardless of the facts in front of everyone.

[mary_poppins]

I'm a bit confused, what does 'H' mean?

[sunshine702]

I don't use names just a letter.

Yeah it felt good for a split second but they go right back to the bubble of Golden person fantasy  Dreamworld. 

Jerry Wise reminds us We are actually GOOd to the exact degree they label us bad

[sunshine702]

Update.

The Golden Grandchild just had a drug exposed severely under weight baby.  Hmm guess I was right.

This episode has me realizing that I see the forest for the trees just fine. 

This whole season in my life has me trusting myself on a whole new magnitude.  And I am finally past the fear, obligation and guilt to go Very Limited Grey Rock Contact and feel nothing but proud of myself for it.

God (sorry I am very Christian now) will bring me good healthy people in time.  I know it.