Is she BPD or NPD?

[morningdawn]

Hello everyone, I'm new
I am here with a little doubt, it seems that it becomes clearer and clearer what it is (for me) but even so I want an external view,

my mother and I have a relationship in which there is dispute, discussion at least now
I could say that since I was a child I knew that something different with my parents

I don't know if my mother could have bpd or npd here I will list some things she has done

ps:
my english is not so good, I hope you understand,
sorry for the long text, there are a lot of details and there is more but then I would have to review these other details I hope it is somewhat enough but I think it is relatively a good amount
There is a somewhat important detail but I prefer not to explain it here

▪ as a child
I kind of had to win over my mother (I'll call it that) I remember that I went up to her, like she was around but it seems like she was waiting for my initiative

I started looking for some of her likes.

A few times I arrived to ask to play and/or ask if she's okay she said "leave me alone"

I already asked for my mother to teach me something she said "find a way!" sometimes she uses this term "find a way"

when I was a child I have seen my mother get angry out of nowhere (as if it were those oscillations that happen in bpd and npd, clearer in bpd)

I once tried to help my mother with a task, but she didn't allow it, let's say I sympathized because of my father's way - I see today that some of these things were to make me dependent

When I was younger, my mother sometimes I said two criticisms "you're selfish" and "you like trouble"

 I never understood why my mother did too much things

• child-adolescent
my mother says she has ADHD probably little by little she realized there was something wrong with her own traits

my mother to be in IV the doctor she was depressed

once my mother said "I don't know if I even like you"

she said she felt it in her when I jumped
( I think my father thought it was dramatic)

She already said she would defend me

She has already said something personal/intimate about her relationship (about 3 things)

she said that if left (zimethimg like that, her children actually) she wouldn't know what she gone do

once she made a disdainful/concerned face when I was playing a lot of the musical instrument

▪ teenager
my mother pulled my hair because I lent the school's book

one of the first things my mother said to me when we are linving in relatives house was  her mother has good things (her mother..not to mention...person with not good behavior) my mother this must show that She knows there's something wrong with her way

my mother said that if I wasn't the person I was I wouldn't be humble (I have a special condition) that was a little later in my adolescence I think it's

another thing I was a teenager when we came to live with family and I went to school I was talking to the coordinator about some things and I said I was going to start studying alone. My mother had a strange reaction. She said no, in a kind of worried way,

 I remember my mother saying that my father was a slut,

One time I was with my mother crying and she hugged me


▪adult

when I started going to college I noticed a strange behavior from my mother 'as if she was falling apart' when I tried a long distance

As an adult once I was a little distant, it seems that my mother felt this way, then I went to study in the living room and she came to hug me

 relationship she was irritated that I didn't know before

 she told me to stop using my special condition to apologize (although I don't do it, despite being a bit defensive, some events made me avoid this type of behaviour for example)

 as an adult, a few times I left the house and my mother sometimes, let's say, watched from afar, she even called to another mother who told her not to worry

 my mother has called me many times when she was like in the playground (she is in the apartment) calling a friend and consecutively 

other day she said that she was going to do an online job interview my mother seemed hesitant

She blamed me for my father's death

my mother said that I disappointed her she

said she is the best mother

the other day it wrapped around my arm tightly and it was walking because of the rain, it was walking a little fast

in some way again is that she started to stutter a little when she was on the street and when she was going out she seemed afraid of me leaving

- not going into too much detail, I'm not feeling good about this but yes I confronted her if she was a narcissist and said she is a narcissist a few times... and she didn't like it (I gave in to the feeling of criticism from her I have had reactive abuse since I was a child it was After I found out. She's been criticizing me more now as an adult. Now I've been trying to deal with it. Don't judge me so much if possible.

 she said the other day having already confronted her she said if you want to leave your mother alone leave

my mother has already hit me, I don't remember the reason  as an adult

the other day it wrapped around my arm tightly and it was walking because of the rain, it was walking a little fast,

my mother looks like she's falling into depression (they are very intense showing it but I keep thinking or have already thought if it's simulated)

 the other day (I hadn't confronted her yet) she said she spoke loudly and yelled at me because it took so long (something like that)

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! We don't diagnose here, but you can check out the list of traits in the Personality Disorders tab. I think you might find this very useful.
I also suggest you read What to do and What not to do in the Toolbox tab.

And as an important suggestion for the beginning of your healing journey- try to move your focus from what your mother does, says, thinks, doesn't do, doesn't say to what YOU do, say, feel, think. You have no control over your mother. You are the only one person who can make a change in your life.

See you around on the boards.

[SonofThunder]

Hello morningdawn,

Another warm welcome to Out of the FOG. I second notright's suggestions for the Toolbox and Personality Disorders tabs.

In my opinion, your experiences are more important than any potential label for a disorder. The two tabs that notright mentioned, may assist you in beginning your healing and self-protection journey.

We can only control ourselves, not the actions and reactions of others, which is accomplished by proper 'boundaries', one of the very important tools.  Im happy you are here, walking the trails alongside us. You are not alone.

SoT