Does anyone get tired?

[clarityjane]

Lately, I feel numb to the antics. The LC I do have with my PDM has shown me who she really is. Every time, there is either resistance or love bombing, shaming/blaming/gaming or anything else they come up with. LC has gone on for well over a year now and I guess they're running out of options. Something else has happened. Within me, I have grown a callus. I feel tired and frustrated but I am beginning to not even care anymore. Has anyone else gotten to this point and should I be concerned?

I feel better, like it's a good thing, but I have to admit that I'm a little afraid to embrace it. I'm going to though. 

[Liketheducks]

I have felt weary of the shenanigans.   I don't think that this is necessarily a bad thing.   For me, it is like I'm finally seeing things for what they are and recognizing that I do have some choices in how I manage myself...to keep myself feelings safer, to manage my emotions around family triggers, etc.   

My covert PD father's wife is stirring up trouble within the family.   Dad has gone back NC/LC.   My BPD mom is only engaging on social media.   I'm a little glad for the relief of it all.   It is sad, real sad.   But, it is what it is.

[Rebel13]

I've been so surprised to not feel more guilt or other feelings since I went NC with my mom. Sometimes I do feel that tiredness; I think I felt it more when we were still in touch. Now I just feel DONE.

[clarityjane]

I guess it's a lot of new sensations for those of us who put up with PD parents. Living and growing in that environment for so long makes living with reality feels strange, I guess.

Liketheducks: Great point. I'm thankful to see that I have choices now. For a while, I felt caught in a trap and helpless. I'm working on maintaining my power and not letting old fear creep back in.

Rebel13: Nice. Yes, for me the guilt is waning. I'm so glad you've gotten to that point.  (I like your quote. I tell myself something similar quite often.)

 

[Sneezy]

I am freaking exhausted, as are my siblings.  We all agree that our mom can suck all the joy and energy and goodness out of just about any situation, and replace it with fear, anger, anxiety, mean-spiritedness, etc.  She truly has a talent for turning joy into despair.  I once asked my mom to please just say one happy thing before launching into her litany of daily complaints.  Just ONE happy thing.  I told her it could be as simple as saying "the sky is a pretty shade of blue today."  I just wanted to hear her say something good before all the vitriol started.  You know what she said?  I kid you not, the only good thing she could say is "your sisters bird almost died yesterday."  I was floored.  I guess the word "almost" made this a good statement in her mind?

Anyway, yes, I am tired.  So tired of all of it.  I don't know if I feel less guilty as time goes by, but I know that I simply don't have the energy for all her negativity any more, which is why I have pulled back and spend less time with her.  Which makes her more miserable and negative, which then makes me want to spend even less time with her.  It's a vicious circle.

I'm glad you are feeling less guilty.  No one, least of all a parent, should be allowed to manipulate you with guilt.  Keep up with LC and setting boundaries and practice your medium chill when you are around your mom.  Best to you!

[clarityjane]

Sneezy,
It is exhausting! Not one ounce of care for anything other than themselves gets old and draining. I'm sorry about your sister's bird, btw. What you said, " I know that I simply don't have the energy for all her negativity any more, which is why I have pulled back and spend less time with her.  Which makes her more miserable and negative, which then makes me want to spend even less time with her." I relate to this so much. I no longer allow phone contact. I also asked my husband to block her. After she couldn't reach me at her convenience, she began reaching out to him, mind you she never did communicate with him before. He is either to blame or her favorite SIL, it truly depends on her mood that day. So, it's obviously manipulation. 

I appreciate your kind words and wish you the best as well!

[sandpiper]

Yep. They are exhausting.