I am exhausted

escapingman · August 06, 2024, 04:44:44 PM

Thanks Square and Rebel. I kind of backed off and now we are all booked for holiday. I kinda of say I want you to come, this is what we are doing and are you coming?

square · August 06, 2024, 05:14:34 PM

Great work.

If she throws up more hurdles, don't fight, just put it back on her by asking if she wants to go.

If she says yes, great, let's figure this out.

She'll likely refuse to answer. So you can say it sounds like she'd rather not, and that's ok.

escapingman · August 07, 2024, 03:13:57 AM

Thank you square.

After DD spent a few days with uPDxw and DD2 and my latest interactions I think I am starting to puzzle together what is going on. I think this is so big I will create a new topic for this.

But in short, we are booked for a holiday and it has been paid for. With the way uPDxw and DD2 looks at money there is no way DD2 would back out now, money cannot be wasted even if it is my money. But, even if it is my money I still think that in uPDxw's head my money is still in some way hers. I will have a week with them both, this is exciting but also scary. I hope DD2 can calm down with some distance to uPDxw and get some rest. I also hope this will be a breakthrough to get more of a relationship with her. This should also give me some rest time myself as DD and DD2 should play nicely together and not need me as much.

Rebel13 · August 08, 2024, 04:39:00 PM

I really hope you all have a lovely time together, escapingman.

escapingman · August 09, 2024, 06:12:07 PM

Collected DD2 this morning, uPDxw came with her to the car. I felt strong so went out and said hello. Brief conversation for the first time in over 2 years, felt OK and no emotions either way.

On holiday now, not saying things are easy but DD2 is showing her real self which I haven't seen for a long time.

square · August 09, 2024, 06:35:19 PM

Great news.

From prior posts, it seems like she also settles in after a day?

escapingman · August 10, 2024, 11:37:41 AM

Starting to see the real DD2. She is still a bit on edge but she is starting to calm down a bit. I can see she struggles a bit with the no plans and take it as it comes me and DD operate, but I hope she will see what calm is and settle down.

escapingman · August 19, 2024, 07:48:53 AM

In the end we had an amazing time and DD2 really came out of her shell at times. But last day when going home she became very stressed and anxious. This is in line with every other time I seen her, although much shorter times, as soon as she is about to go home she changes for the worse.

On a side note, when I saw uPDxw she looked quite happy and healthy. I am also thinking she encouraged DD2 to come with us on the holiday. Could this be her having got a new supply? If so, could this also be her pushing DD2 away and her not caring so much about me? I suppose only time with tell but I feel a big shift could be coming, fingers crossed for this.

square · August 19, 2024, 09:48:38 AM

Wonderful that it went well.

It does sound like maybe there is a new supply going on. When you described the relatively drama free pickup with XW acting relatively normal and not taking the opportunity to unbalance you, it seemed like a new supply could be around.

I would not wish for DD2 to feel pushed out or rejected by her mother, yet I have to wonder if increased time with you could be a net benefit, as DD2 surely knows intuitively that her position with her mother is always conditional anyway.

Rebel13 · August 20, 2024, 03:54:35 PM

I'm so glad the vacation was good for you all! I really feel for your daughter's re-entry stress, as someone with a disordered mom, ugh. Hoping for the best for you and your daughters going forward!

escapingman · August 21, 2024, 06:03:46 AM

Regarding DD2 and her stress raising on the way home from the holiday, I did fight tooth and nail for her through courts and all ways I could. As DD2 protected uPDxw then, and the social and the court decided to believe her this is now her reality. She is now two years older than when this all started so any further legal fight would only drain finances so that's a no go. The only way Out of the FOG and prison for DD2 is for her to see the reality herself, I will always be safe with her and I have made it clear to her she is always welcome in my house (which I tried to also get her to understand is also her home). I am obviously very concerned for her and for how her life is, but I don't really know any other way to "save" her.

square · August 21, 2024, 09:32:00 AM

There isn't any. You're absolutely right.

Rebel13 · August 21, 2024, 11:40:16 AM

It sure sounds like you have done all you could! My comment was completely out of my own history and empathy for your daughter, not in any way as a criticism of you. Your daughter is lucky that you've made the efforts you have to maintain your relationship with her and provide a safe space for her. It's really awful for all of you that she's not able or willing to choose that for herself at this point in her life.

escapingman · August 22, 2024, 01:38:14 AM

Thanks for your comments Square and Rebel, I know your comment was out of empathy Rebel. What I am trying to say is that I have surrendered to the situation and that's the only way it can work for me. If I tried to get some kind of control of an uncontrollable situation I would go under, that's why I settled for having custody for one child each in the court. With the entire system working in favour for the mother the social and in the end the court would have tried to find reasons to strip me of custody of both.

Now DD is going to spend a couple of days with uPDxw and DD2, the drama has already started so lets see how this goes. This was on the request of DD but I can see she is starting to hesitate, I will however leave this for her to decide and deal with.