I need to leave

[Waterwoman]

I suspected for some time that the male roommate my boyfriend was living with was not just a roommate. However, everytime I tried asking, he'd get so angry that I'd drop the topic.
Recently I found a video of them having sex while snooping on his laptop. I confronted him and he made it all about me invading his privacy and made himself the victim.
We were having a really bad argument when he was by his family and he put me on speaker just as I was saying some hurtful stuff and carried it to his parents and sister telling them that that is always how I talk to him which was a lie. At that point, I got fed up and decided to carry his stuff for him. When I got there he was talking very nicely in my car at first. But when I started pointing out stuff that was still going on, he started shouted and behaving as if I was trying to keep him in the car and his father started asking what was going on.
At that point I was going to leave but his cousin kept calling me her inlaw until I got fed up and said "I can't be your inlaw. Your cousin doesn't like women." At that point, he tried to punch me in my face and I had to lean back in my car to avoid getting hit. On my way home, I did something awful. I shared the video I had found with his parents and sister.
We decided that we'll try to work things out and stay together. He told me the roommate moved out but I suspect that's a lie.
Lately he told me he wanted us to work on our communication. He told me that I need to talk to him more and let him know when something is bothering me. So I tried doing that. But once the conversation is not going the way he wants, he tells me he wants to break up.

I know I have to leave. I have some other family issues going on and I guess I'm scared of being all alone when I let him go. But I can't do this anymore. Any tips on how to do this?

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Waterwoman,

It seems like you have been experiencing a lot. 

I suggest you read through the information on this forum, the tool box, etc....

I also recommend counseling to help support you through this.  It helps to have a person in your corner. 

Life can feel very scary at times - I hope you find some support.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome!

As you read around this site you will find a lot of information. On the Personality traits tab you might find "gaslighting" and you might find that this is what your boyfriend is doing to you.

It seems obvious that if you decide to stay with him you will have to share him with this or another man. Are you up to that? I knew a couple who could live polyamorously for some years, they broke up after a decade. They were open about their affairs. Your boyfriend has lied to you. It is safe to assume that he will continue lying to you. Are you willing to put up with that?

I strongly recommend you study the toolbox and implement the strategies in your further contact with your boyfriend.

I agree with Plant Flowers that finding a support system, in the form of friends, counselling, self help group will be essential for your own growth and to successfully get out of this difficult relationship.

[Rebel13]

I'm so sorry you are struggling with this! In addition to the suggestions you've already received, and what you might find in other threads here, I would suggest you contact a domestic violence agency in your area, if there is one. This man tried to hit you once, and may very well try again. I would also get tested for STDs, if you have not already.

One of my favorite blogs is about infidelity: chumplady.com. There are great articles and a great community of commenters there who have been betrayed by their partners, and their stories and thoughts might help you get through this as well.

Best of luck to you!