Stalking - need advice

[Therivercontinueson]

Hi all. I hope you are all well and thriving. I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I've been NC for a year now, and I've just received an email from my landlord that my mother reached out to her to ask if I am still living at my home (my mother does not know them personally). Luckily, the landlord emailed me saying they were going to respond, but thought to run it by me first, and asking if all was okay. I told her my mother suffers from dementia and this happens a lot, so it's best to ignore her. Haven't heard back yet from the landlord, but I think that will be fine on that end. My concern however is them reaching out to people in my life like that (is my work next? Are they going to show up at my house/work? They know whete I live and where I work). I know if they do, they can't hurt me, but this is still distressing and feels like stalking. Does anyone have advice on what I can do? I'm planning to move soon which would help, but was wondering if I should make a statement to the police or the domestic violence centre, or something. If amyone has any advice (I am in the UK), that would be great. Thanks all

[frogjumpsout]

So sorry about this stress and intrusion, Believer! I've been in a similar place. My FOO did show up at my house . . . and I closed the door, locked it, and turned off the bell. They went away after a while, and I had a rough couple of weeks, but was okay.

It's cold comfort, I know (and maybe you don't even need to hear this), but you can handle whatever comes. You perfectly handled the conversation with the landlord. I think that you can do something similar for work. Is there any kind of security there? I don't think you should have to see her if she shows up.

As for practicalities, I eventually moved and enrolled in an address confidentiality run by my state. I'm in the US, but there may be something similar where you are, too. I also got a PO box for mail, some of which was letters from FOO, forwarded from my previous address, where they think I still live. It was upsetting but I leaned on friends, and it's fallen off now.

Sorry this is happening. Some people basically create suckage, whatever relationship one has (or doesn't) with them.

 

[mary_poppins]

Sorry about this stressful situation. I know that UK has laws against tresspassing and harrassment. You can go to the police to tell them about your situation so they can open a paper trail with stuff that she said/did.
It's important for them to have this information just in case she decides to do something nasty.
The times I went VLC and NC with my family was when I was very far from them (different country and language). If I cut them out while in the same city/state, they'd destroy me with stalking and harrassment. My mom in particular is very good at recruiting flying monkeys to do their 'research' about me.

But I'm glad you are moving. Yay! Focus on that for it is exciting. Physical distance from these people is important, in my book.

[Tigergirl15]

My therapist told me that the people who will be most upset with you placing boundaries are the ones violating them. It is so rough. I literally just had to move onto a military base so she couldn't find me or get to me. You have to do what makes you comfortable. If it would make you feel better to file a police report than you do that. Legally speaking it's good to have a history if something were to happen. If there is record of you reporting her actions, it fairs better for you in the future. Prayers are with you because it is so hard.