I just don’t want this

[JustKeepTrying]

Everything was going well. My adult children were okay. The oldest two we were finding our way back together - although they are angry I left their OCPD father. Then my youngest withdrew from school and life changed.

He is on the spectrum. and after months of intense outpatient therapy, he has admitted to a problem with alcohol. Began with dealing with the problems during covid and the trauma of his senior year. Then going to school and realizing how different he is. How strange it is. Trying to fit in and having a girl friend and meds mixed with alcohol. Not a good situation.

I found him in a bad state. I knew it was beyond my ability to take on my own. He is an adult. But I asked for help from my ex and older children. Advice in how to proceed. It became a thing A check in thing where i had to report to them. I did it so that any help I asked for from my ex would be documented in front of the kids. The oldest kids love him. Think he is wonderful but my son and I know different. We have been the victim of his abuse. And that trauma is so very real.

SO now he ending his program and I am ending my life of travel. I was trying to put my own life together and heal. He will not be ready to be on his own for a while - while his body heals from the alcohol. And they are not happy.  The family. I just needed my ex to step up financially - which he only does when he verbally commits in front of the kids - in private he has stiffed me for tens of thousands of dollars.  "You didn't get it in writing" kind of thing. I honestly didn't think he would stoop so low. I should have known better.

So now I realize that i don't really need their input. My son and I will be okay. I will somehow ease this and put on the back burner and keep it neutral. But really, their advice is not needed anymore. Nor particularly helpful - only hurtful. I think it is time to grey rock my family. No need to anger them or engage.  Just neutral it while I help my son.

Anyway, I needed to check in here tonight. Thinking of my years here on the outofthefog. How this nasty PD just keeps affecting me. It really stinks. But somehow, this community has helped me - more than you all know.

[notrightinthehead]

It's so liberating when you realize ' i don't really need their input. My son and I will be okay. '. You are much stronger than you think you are! You have overcome so much. Sending you a big hug.

[xredshoesx]

you are strong and I am so angry that your ex can't put the petty aside to help you help your son.  one day at a time. one foot in front of the other.

as a side note my DH who is neurospicy (we're of the age where the AU spectrum consisted mostly of non-verbal male children) used alcohol for years to manage his anxiety and also it's because that's what he thought men/dudes did as an affirmation of their masculinity.  he's been sober almost 4 years this Thanksgiving.  as i'm a child of addicts his sobriety is the greatest gift he's ever given me.  I know your son can beat this disease with your support.  DH didn't do the meetings/ support group route, but he did go on medication to help with the feelings part and it's been night and day different for us. 

[square]

Best wishes for you and your son. You seem very clearheaded on this. One foot in front of the other. You got this 💪

[SonofThunder]

+1 to all the above comments.  Prayerful thoughts to you and your son, JKT. 

SoT