Huffing and puffing

[DCF1952]

So, my understanding is that when he is walking around huffing and puffing and scoffing and stomping around, that I should not ask what is wrong. However I've come to realize that asking what is wrong gets him to stop his tantrum sooner. I know that asking what is wrong is an invitation to be verbally attacked. If I don't ask, it feels like it goes on all day.

Opinions?

[square]

You should do whatever makes your life easier. If playing along makes your day calmer, you don't have to be a hero, just go for it.

Another option to consider is to "misunderstand" him. Maybe express concern for his cardiac health, say he's breathing pretty hard for just walking around a bit. Sure, he'll yell. And next time say "are you SURE you don't need to see a doctor?" And just stick with the idea that his behavior is weird and concerning. It could trigger the tantrum (allowing you to move on with your day) without giving him the same satisfaction as "is there something bothering you?"

Or other ways to trigger might be to guess what's wrong but pick stupid things. "Okay, you're being all weird again right now, maybe I folded the mail wrong? You didn't like the milk this morning?"

That's not standard noJADE/MC advice, of course, but I'm not always a saint myself.

[DCF1952]

Ohhhh! I really like the question about "you're breathing really hard" there's so much long sighing that goes on too.

[Call Me Cordelia]

This came as parenting advice but hey this is childish behavior: You might try asking, "Is there something you'd like to talk about?" It still rewards the behavior by noticing it but it also puts the ball back in their court to name what's bothering them and invites them to a more respectful, equal stance. And if they sullenly answer, "No," you can take him at his word and consider yourself off the hook!