Just saw in the obits my dad passed a week ago

[Adria]

I just saw in the obituaries that my dad passed away a week ago.  It said he had three daughters, no mention of my name, but he was cherished most by my two sisters with their names.  Not one person in my family told me again (like when my mother passed away)  even though I have been in recent contact with them.  I was the family scapegoat and my dad a severe narc.

[Adria]

thought about sending something like this to a couple relatives. please tell me what you think.
"Just thought you might want to know my dad passed away a week ago, because I'm sure if you knew you would have called to let me know just like you did when my mon died. You will never understand the hell that man put me and my kids through.  Have a blessed day.

I'm also wondering if i should put something in the memories section of the obit.  don't know what, but this is my only chance to set the record straight for the whole town to see.  I was chased out of town twenty years ago by their lies. 

Maybe I shouldn't do anything.  As you can tell i'm quite upset at the moment.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Hello Adria. I am sorry to hear of this and sorry for your loss.
 
As for what to do, I think only you can know what is right for you. Maybe it is alright just to sit with this news and process that for a bit and see what feels comfortable to do next. 
   
This is hard stuff. When parents have a PD, I think even when they are gone, the effects of it can still linger on and within us.

Sometimes I think looking to find peace or "set things right" among those who are determined to see us only in a negative view is similar to losing our car keys in the house and looking for them outside in the street. We just will not find something where it does not exist.
   
I will be thinking of you and hoping you find clarity on what will give you peace.
   

[Adria]

blueberry,

Sometimes I think looking to find peace or "set things right" among those who are determined to see us only in a negative view is similar to losing our car keys in the house and looking for them outside in the street. We just will not find something where it does not exist.

Very good analogy.  Dh and I thought about writing in the memories section something like, "People like this only come around once in a lifetime."

But, then, I came to my senses and wrote, "Rest in peace, Dad." 

I will not stoop to their level. 

Thank you for being there. Hugs, Adria

[bloomie]

Adria - my thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband and children right now. Your message acknowledging your father's death honors you and your father in spite of the pain and reopening of wounds you are grappling with.

The wisdom to know when speaking up and setting the record straight would be productive and when it is time to be silent is different for each of us, but as emotions are running high right now you are so wise to keep it graceful and dignified like you did.

You did good, Adria! You really did and I am incredibly sorry that your FOO is not healthy enough to have loving relationships with you or honor you as his daughter.

[Adria]

Thank you, Bloomie, for your kind thoughts and words. I really appreciate it. Hugs, Adria

[notrightinthehead]

You did the right thing. I am sorry for your loss.

[Adria]

Thank you Notrightinthehead. Hugs, Adria

[Call Me Cordelia]

I'm so sorry. That's completely crappy of your FOO, all around. You stayed classy.

[Adria]

Thank you Cordelia.

[Boat Babe]

I echo what everyone else has said Adria. Be very gentle with yourself as you process all this sh*t. Huge hugs to you.

[Adria]

Boat Babe, 

[xredshoesx]

I think not sending anything was the STRONGEST response you could make.  it says MORE than anything you could have ever said or sent.

I am so sorry that even after the end they found a way to keep hurting you. I am sorry for your loss and hope you are doing a little better with it all today

[Adria]

Thank you so much xredshoesx,  I'm surprised at how hard this hit. The first few days, I thought I was handling it, and then all of a sudden I went down.  Today is the first day I'm up and running a little bit.  I'll be okay. I think it's just that it was the final blow. Appreciate your kind words. Hugs, Adria

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Came back to this post because I am right behind you. I find the replies here helpful with where I also am and will soon be.   
   
I feel a huge impulse to call them out and finally get my say. However, I believe it would go absolutely nowhere. It would just hang out there. I assume it would not be understood by anyone reading it. All my life trying to explain anything to anyone did not go anywhere, so I assume this would not be any different.
             
To me, it is not about taking a higher road or being the bigger person. It is simply about just having had enough. It is about not wanting to be stirred up in the dynamics we found hurtful and just dropping it all. It is about turning the page, looking forward, and living our life without them being a factor in what we do.

[Adria]

Blueberry, I wrote you back a couple days ago, but see it didn't show up on the forum.  I agree with you.  I'm sorry that you may be heading for this dreadful situation.  I hurt really bad for a few days, but have bounced back.  The cruelty is unbelievable. Please know if it happens that you will get through and be just fine.  Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. Hugs, Adria.