New-need support-have a friend with an untreated pwbpd

[6Saturdays]

Hi everyone. I was searching for an online support group. I just discovered this forum. i retired from the mental health field then went to work in a related but not the same field. I met a colleague, the same management level as myself, and we struck up a friendship that grew over time. This is a platonic relationship and it became a close friendship. Long story short, I started seeing behavior patterns that were troubling such as the push and pull, the devaluing and then the FP status again. While I was a therapist,  I did not specialize in the personality disorders. So I met with another therapist colleague to seek help on how to deal with my friend's behaviors. She mentioned to me that it sounded like BPD. I have since studied this disorder for the last 5 years to understand and learn in the hopes of being able to help and to know how to deal with the push and pull behaviors.
Now I'm in the push away state and who knows whether its the split black final or the splitting then pull back coming. We've been such close friends. One of those once in a lifetime friendships but now i just don't think I can deal with it anymore. I'm hurt and am feeling broken. Why am I unable to completely break away from this? and Wy do I keep feeling the way I do?
I'm grateful to have found this forum and I look forward to participating and contributing support to others.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! Yes, the interaction with people with a PD often brings us to a point where we ask ourselves 'why do I do that?'. I, for myself have concluded that I have co-dependent personality traits and have been working on this for years now.
As a start, check out the toolbox for strategies that are helpful in your situation, if this break was not yet the final one.
And use this opportunity to know more about yourself. I am glad you are joining us on this exciting healing journey.

[LemonLime]

Welcome to the forum, Saturdays.  We're glad you're here.

Why is it so hard to break away....what a great question to ask ourselves.  Similar to NotRight, I believe I had many traits of codependency.   I too am working on those and it feels great to be so much less dependent on others.

Keep asking yourself that question.....what is it about ME that makes it so hard to give this person up?

That's where the money is, because we can only change ourselves, not others.   A good therapist would be intrigued with this question and would be able to help you grow into your best self. 

Keep going, and keep us posted.

[6Saturdays]

Thank you for your responses. I already do not feel as alone.  I do have a tendency to be codependent. Thirty years ago I went through therapy to deal with those issues. After all that time its easy for it to creep back in again and before you know it, you develop those unhealthy habits. I have been doing a "codependent no more" daily reading for a while but I think I've been in denial about how much it was affecting me. I'm not in denial anymore and have made the decision to make better choices and start taking care of myself better. Its going to take time but at least I know what i need to do. As I said this forum has helped already and I will continue to read and post as needed. I want to get better again. Thank you.