Keep Pushin'

[shishio7]

My SO would send me Instagram reels of things she wanted to do, places she wanted to go, and relationship lessons she wanted to impart to me. Unfortunately she never took her own advice. In the final days she used Instagram as a weapon, to try and hurt me, or to try and guilt me for leaving. I think I've said before my therapist says she is manipulating me. She is really good at it, knows how to push all my buttons better then I do myself. Anyway, the other day I saw a post that she would send me. It hurt, it really hurt. I was immediately spiraling. I spoke to my support system, luckily my rambling turned into talking about all the things I hated. The things she did. The things I wish she did. The things I wished she hadn't. I still find myself questing if it was the right decision to leave. It hurts to think about her and how she must be feeling. I can't not, my mind just drifts to her.

Anyway, after that whole episode I was listening to music. Keep Pushin from REO Speedwagon came on. I listened to the lyrics. I've always loved that song. I don't play guitar, but my dad has a bunch. I'm going to borrow one and learn how to play. It's probably going to be my anthem for the next few months. If you are struggling, check out that song. It might help.

[bloomie]

shishio7 - Music is so healing. Love the energy and the lyrics of Keep Pushin'. Thanks for reminding me of that song!

I am thankful you are able to process through the spiraling and that as your nervous system settles after being triggered you begin to talk about your painful experiences in this relationship.

[Rebel13]

luckily my rambling turned into talking about all the things I hated. The things she did. The things I wish she did. The things I wished she hadn't. I still find myself questing if it was the right decision to leave. 

Sounds to me like it might be worth writing down some of the things she did that you hated and wished she didn't, or the things you wished she had done but didn't. Then you could read over that list when you are feeling sad about leaving, and get a reality check about the true nature of the relationship.