Families wilding out!

[Eggshell Pro]

Hi all, thanks sharing all your stories and support. I'm a survivor of a mostly rehabilitated BPD parent, I've come out with some skills but also some damage, so I am perhaps not reading things quite right. I've married into a family that I'm fairly sure are exhibiting signs of cluster B disordered behaviour (some flavour of NPD seems to fit uncomfortably well). I've been married for 20 years. We've run into a major crisis with a wider family issue and I've gone head-to-head with my inlaws to try and hold a boundary as there are huge consequences for our own family (We have a child). My husband and I agreed on our decision. My husband has since flipped and I now feel gaslit that I am being difficult and unreasonable. Feeling very uncertain and alone.

[Eggshell Pro]

From my post I probably do sound insane . It's hard to tell if I'm seeing 'ghosts under the bed' in my in-laws behaviour or if I am actually being paranoid. I'm very aware that accusing others of these traits is a bold statement to make!

[Call Me Cordelia]

And we do it all the time around here! Hah. You don't sound insane, Eggshell Pro. You're light on details, but that general story has been shared before. I think you are in the right place and you are learning to trust your own observations. Welcome.

I too have cluster B parents and in-laws. My own parents are more manifestly disordered or perhaps my husband and I simply figured them out first due to circumstances. However, when I started seeing similar patterns with the in-laws, I was definitely accused of being paranoid and having my bad experience with my own parents thrown in my face as the reason I couldn't be believed. So... understanding where I was coming from, having empathy for me, and showing me they were trustworthy didn't have a place. They just claimed trust as their right regardless of past behavior and I'm automatically the problem. Well that felt familiar!

My husband is also on my side, very much so, but has periodic episodes of slipping back into the Fear Obligation Guilt. It's pretty common.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome to this informative and supportive site! Read around on the Personality traits tab and you might find some more clarity. It shows self awareness if you are uncertain and are able to doubt yourself. Most of us here have at one time wondered - am I the problem? And often we have found that by enabling or some other behaviour we have contributed to the situation. Here we try to support each other to gain clarity and - hopefully - adjust our behaviour in a healthy way.