they have me walking on eggshells

[JR]

i've noticed being in close proximity for about 5 years now as a caregiver for a narc parent and also unfortunately being involved with a narc brother(golden child) and covert Narc/enabler on "both count"s Sister I've been subjugated to a tactic of sorts by this family dynamic to be on Guards at almost everyday day by all their toxic  narcissistic basically crap being unloaded on me h has me constantly on edge expecting a Doctor Jekyll or Mr Hyde type experience from all of them at anytime over the most inconsequential things.This kind of Toxicity that they drum up at any time any where has me "bugged out" with very few resources to confide in to get relief from it, thats why Im venting it here,  to get some of this stress off of my back till the next round comes, im sure others here know exactly what im talking about and have experienced this tactic. My situation has me being in close contact with a Narc too much of the time due to the needs of this person (stroke) or so i think. So most of the things that used to make me happy and the different way i used to live have been cut out, since narcs will drive wedges between those things to isolate you therefore break you down to get full control of how they want you to behave, its like the puppet master and a puppet, they break down your ego and self confidence to the point that you can only function when the puppet master tells you to. ive been fighting against this family dynamic for ages. although after learning about narcissism alls not roses dealing with this for sure. thanx for reading this and for any encouragements, I need to get back my career,finances,health,self pride back all has been stolen by this family, i jumped into the caregiver job not knowing anything about narcissism or it even existed at the time, but i found out about through an online search by accident(looking for answers), these people can truly destroy your life if you become their target(usually by just standing up to them) the prime directive is dont stand for their narratives or beliefs expect the punishment,its death by a thousand papercuts.

[Rebel13]

Hi JR, in my recent adventures I've learned a lot about the physiological response to trauma, especially in the context of being raised by a self-absorbed, high-conflict parent. Learning how to cope with the physical effects -- the "being on edge" that you mention -- has really helped me a lot in quite a short time. I put references to some of the things that helped me the most in the Resources section, but here are two that I highly recommend:

https://therapyinanutshell.com/relaxed-vigilance/ - I got an Android app similar to Lotus Bud which is the app she mentions in the video. It's called Mindfulness Bell and it goes off every 15 minutes to remind me to check in with myself and close the stress loop. This video is from her series on Youtube called "breaking the anxiety cycle" and the whole series is worth watching in my opinion, even if not all of it addresses trauma directly.

The book "Buddha's Brain" by Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius. Explains the physiological stress cycle in a lot more depth and has suggestions of ways to manage it.

I wish you good luck with your difficult situation!

[JR]

Hi JR, in my recent adventures I've learned a lot about the physiological response to trauma, especially in the context of being raised by a self-absorbed, high-conflict parent. Learning how to cope with the physical effects -- the "being on edge" that you mention -- has really helped me a lot in quite a short time. I put references to some of the things that helped me the most in the Resources section, but here are two that I highly recommend:

https://therapyinanutshell.com/relaxed-vigilance/ - I got an Android app similar to Lotus Bud which is the app she mentions in the video. It's called Mindfulness Bell and it goes off every 15 minutes to remind me to check in with myself and close the stress loop. This video is from her series on Youtube called "breaking the anxiety cycle" and the whole series is worth watching in my opinion, even if not all of it addresses trauma directly.

The book "Buddha's Brain" by Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius. Explains the physiological stress cycle in a lot more depth and has suggestions of ways to manage it.

I wish you good luck with your difficult situation!

thanx rebel13, i will definetly check this out and try some of these techniques, i also feel that  being around these people its actually changing who i really am like bringing out the worst side of me to constantly combat toxic assaults, and having lost a career and finances dwindling, social interaction with others has stopped due to the nature of being a caregiver to a person who doesn't appreciate the help, and actually cannot understand that i had and want a life outside of this situation too so pitch in a little and help me help you. i almost hate to say this is that it may be time for me to actually get therapy/therapist so i can relieve this burden to someone who knows whats going on and can relate, most people in the outside world cannot relate to this because no one was ever taught about narcissism/toxic behavior, me included. this forum is a great resource, but i always wished for more in person support groups relating to narcissism abuse but most are webinars that cost money to join, or a one one therapist also need payment, my finances took a hit, health, social interactions all affected, seems like i fell right into a narcissists dream come true, an empath whom they can get to follow the narrative for them to release toxic poisin on.

[Rebel13]

seems like i fell right into a narcissists dream come true, an empath whom they can get to follow the narrative for them to release toxic poisin on.

Well it's true, they do train us to be that doormat and punching bag for them, don't they? I encourage you to get therapy if you can, it has been super helpful to me. But also try the Therapy in a Nutshell videos I linked to. Emma McAdam is a licensed therapist and she covers a LOT of material. If something she mentions seems helpful to you, you can always do more research, find a book about it, etc. Even if therapy is out of reach for you, there is a lot you can do to help yourself.

Wishing you the best!

[JR]

seems like i fell right into a narcissists dream come true, an empath whom they can get to follow the narrative for them to release toxic poisin on.

Well it's true, they do train us to be that doormat and punching bag for them, don't they? I encourage you to get therapy if you can, it has been super helpful to me. But also try the Therapy in a Nutshell videos I linked to. Emma McAdam is a licensed therapist and she covers a LOT of material. If something she mentions seems helpful to you, you can always do more research, find a book about it, etc. Even if therapy is out of reach for you, there is a lot you can do to help yourself.

Wishing you the best!