Neighbours

[Marianne]

My neighbours abuse their baby.

They scream at her all the time. Whenever she cries. Or for throwing something on the floor. Even really nasty stuff. Literally translated from my language: shut your fucking cancerous mouth (using the rude animal word for mouth). Shut the fuck up. Things like that.

I barely know them.

I spoke to the neighbour a short while back. Told them I heard they struggled. And if they may need help. He knew what I meant. He said it was tough and frustration got the best of them at times. Then walked away.

I heard him scream at his wife to let loose his arm. To not touch him.

Just now I heard my neighbour lady scream at the baby to shut up "or do you want me to beat you?"

This is a baby. A few months old. I am crying over her. What must become of her, if her parents scream they want to beat her even when she is an innocent baby? For doing what babies do? What if they truly do?

She doesn't even cry a lot. Just normal. I rarely hear them respond lovingly to her cries. And now I think of it. I rarely hear her make happy sounds at them. (Yes the walls are that thin).

I checked with cps before. They say I can make an anonymous report. But they will know it is me.

And I suspect they will respond by telling all sorts bad things about me. It is the sort of people they are. They gossiped bad stuff before to the neighbourhood. That may hurt my own kid in the very difficult process we are now in.

I feel stuck.

After she threatened to beat her baby I cannot possibly look away. But cps is useless here. They do nothing with a single report. I tried with someone else before. And my own kid might get hurt.

What now?

[Marianne]

I thought of first having a very direct conversation. Confronting them. And demanding they seek help, so I do not need to report. In a non-shaming tone. But being clear that it is not okay.

[JR]

Anonymous phone call to social Services

[Marianne]

Yeah. I spoke it through with a social worker today. I will call tomorrow. They will still know it is me. But screaming these things to a baby is not okay. I cannot live with myself if I am silent.

I spent too long in silence.

[Catothecat]

Good for you for doing the right thing and not ignoring this situation.  Unfortunately, if your cps is like the one here, they won't do much other than make a visit then give a warning or something.  Their primary goal is to keep a family together.  In my family, my nephew has twice now gotten temporary custody of his sister's (my niece) child because of drugs in the home and general negligence.  But guess what?  The child is back with her mother.  Each time she made a case for herself that she would clean up, get a job, etc. and got the child back so now this is round 3.

I don't think you personally talking with the neighbors will do a bit of good.  It will likely only anger them because they'll feel you're trying to tell them what to do with their own child and won't listen.  You're not family and you have no authority over them so why should they?  This is their "parenting style" something they probably learned growing up in their own families. To them, it could be perfectly normal and how you deal with a child.  Unfortunately they're also subjecting you to their "parenting style" along with everyone else in the building, but I doubt they think of that.  Have you spoken with any of the other neighbors about this?  Or do you feel that would just make everything worse?

[Marianne]

Rather than calling CPS, I spoke with the local social work organisation. They do a lot in our neighbourhood. And have many contacts. I discussed the situation with them. The family is not known with them. They recommended I talk with them myself. But like you, I wonder if it does any good. If it keeps happening, social work may talk with them.

CPS is indeed useless. I had black on white that a psychiatrist thought my ex had (autism +) antisocial personality disorder (CPS: "a psychopath can be a nice dad too"). He admitted to sexual violence but told CPS it was a game and they found that a fine explanation and left it out of the reports (in my book, if one of the both thinks it is not a game and protests loudly...it it not a game). He admitted to femicide and kidnapping threats, was a foreign man and had a proven plan and proven talks of firearms which are illegal here ("oh well, if he really kidnaps him, you will have your child back some day"/"he says he did not mean it"). I told them he was sadistic to my newborn and he admitted to not allowing him food and sleep ("he says he may not have done what you wanted, but says you were too controlling" - really though? For not allowing someone to bully a newborn?).

Anyway. I digress. But my opinion of CPS isn't too good.

I will talk with the other neighbours. And will still call CPS if it doesn't stop.

[JenniferSmith]

I can't imagine how painful it would be to hear that happening. If you are able to remain safe yourself, I think you will feel best if you do reach out to CPS. Its not the easy thing to do, and sadly this is one reason that child abuse is so rampant. People feel uncomfortable and don't want to get involved. But you might be able to make a difference.

As someone who has worked in the field where CPS would be involved, I can say that while its an imperfect system, making reports is important because it builds a case file and a record.  Let's say you make a report and then a couple of months later you still hear them yelling at the baby, you can call again. Convey to them that you are very worried about this child's safety. Again, its not a perfect fix, but its something. This little baby has no one looking out for it right now.

At least by reporting, you will create a record that will always be in the system, so that if future episodes get reported by a doctor, a childcare worker, a teacher, anyone... there will be more substance to those. Sometimes that is what it takes for CPS to take drastic action and remove the child from the home.