Advice to help support DH deal with MIL diagnosis

[PoppingPeace]

My MIL told us both over the weekend that she had officially been diagnosed with BPD. Two things go along with this.

This news is hard for my DH to process and causing him to look back on his childhood and relive difficult and traumatic events from his relationship with his mother. I think he is struggling to process it a bit and (rightly so) feels sorry for past him having to grow up that way. Is there any way I can best support him seeking to heal his inner child?

We are also expecting our first child and for a while have had concerns about the question around MIL stability in relation to contact with our future child, with this news we are even more confused on how best to navigate it to keep LO safe, while we maintain contact with MIL (Something we have both said we are willing to do).

For anyone else who has similar experience I would really appreciate advice on how to support him through this time and also any advice on a plan of action for keeping our own peace with our new baby on the way. Are there any books or other resources (other than this site which has already been super helpful!) that you'd recommend?

[treesgrowslowly]

My advice is that you read about BPD, so that you can understand the behavior and traits that she has, and what people who work to manage their BPD, do to manage their symptoms.

For you and your DH, I think the book by Pete Walker might be helpful: Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving. That book helped me to understand specific strategies that would help me to manage flashbacks of childhood memories. At the time when I first read it, the therapists in my area didn't know much about PTSD from childhood so the book was a real godsend.

Trees